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Cicirossi
It started with with a (fictional, we hope) ice cream/donut/sex shop rest area on the highway. And then it just grew until it ate Cici's brain.
Rated NC-17. Contains rampant silliness, ice cream abuse, food as sex toys. If you're bothered by slash you might not want to keep reading....
Spike, Xander, and the Buffyverse ©Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Brothers,
UPN, 20th Century Fox, Sandollar, and probably some other people I've forgotten.
It's Joss' world, we just like to play in it.
"Is that really necessary, Spike?"
"It is if you won't let me have the butt plug with the bunny tail on it. Which I have a feeling you won't."
"No! I mean, wow, isn't that toy penis cute? Sure you only want one?" Firmly steering Spike away from nightsticks and bunny tails, Xander started him on a winding path towards the checkout. "Oh hey, did you actually get the one thing we needed? The lube?"
"Thought we were getting ice cream."
Full body shiver on that one, and Xander steered them to a wall that held a dizzying array of condoms and lube. "You know, they don't have nearly this much variety in Sunnydale."
"Fat lot you know. You just go to the pristine little chain stores, is all. Ooooh. Cock rings with devil horns."
"Concentrate, you bleached menace. Lube. Must have lube."
"Oh, right. Nothing fruity. You are what you eat after all."
He gave Spike a dark look. "Much too late for that, Spike."
They finally settled on a safe for use in hot tub lube, and Xander began the long and arduous process of getting them out the door. Every few feet Spike stopped to look at something that caught his eye, and almost every time Xander winced at a painful image. Hey, he liked his sex aids as much as the next guy, but anything with horns, bumps or lumps was out. It took a fortuitous rumble from his tummy, coupled with his best 'feed me ice cream and donuts before I waste away to nothing' wistful look for Spike to agree that maybe they had more than they could use on a three day stay already.
The biker turned cashier didn't bat an eye when Spike plopped his armload of loot down on the counter. Under his beard was a nametag that Xander hadn't seen until they got up close and personal. His name was Algernon. One more repressed giggle fit like this and he might bust something. Spike looked at him oddly, and Xander bared his teeth at him. Which made Spike waggle an eyebrow. Which almost made Xander lose it, because then he knew that Spike was fucking with him.
Meanwhile, Algernon had been totaling up their new stash, and quoted a price that made Xander blink. Spike handed over Anya's credit card, and had he been just a bit less of the big bad, Xander would have called that the dance of glee. While they waited for credit approval, Algernon looked Xander over carefully.
"He like all this sort of stuff?" Algernon asked, and Xander was reminded the mice from Disney's Cinderella.
"Oh yeah." Spike nodded solemnly. "He's a pushy, demanding little bottom, he is."
The receipt was retrieved and Spike signed it. Algernon handed Spike his copy and started bagging up a collection of leather straps that brought pretzels to mind. "Don't suppose you share. Or that I could rent him for a few hours."
The question was asked so casually that Xander didn't figure it out until bag three of clamps, chains, and cock rings. When it did sink in, he gave an unmanly squeak and hid behind Spike. Or tried to, which didn't work, seeing that Spike was smaller than he was.
"Nah. Sorry. We're on a tight schedule."
"Right. Well, it never hurts to ask." Algernon handed Spike their bags and grinned. "Have a good day."
"Back at you, mate. C'mon luv." Spike turned to leave, and Xander grabbed his arm and quick time marched them out of the store. He couldn't get outside fast enough, because Algernon and the paddle he'd been rubbing with loving attention were getting nowhere near his ass. They made it as far as the car before Spike collapsed, leaning against the fender and whooping with laughter.
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