CrazyEvilDru
DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters.
It’s been ten days since I found my mother dead. It’s been eight days since I buried both members of my family. And it’s been five days since I found the one person in the world who understands and accepts everything about me without question. Five days since we shared something so simple and basic. Five days I started sleeping in his arms. I woke up that morning in his arms. The bleeding had stopped, and I was already healing. I slithered out his arms and left.
I went to the Magic Shop where the gang had assembled. I walked in and everyone just stared at me. I told them that I was sorry and wrong and they rushed to my side. “You don’t have to go through this alone, Buffy. We lost them too. We can’t lose you as well.” Willow whispered in my ear.
We just sat around all morning, around the table, not quite sure where to go from there. Anya tended to customers as they came in, but the rest of the time, we sat around, silent. Then, around noon, I just started crying. Everything that I’d held back just broke and I cried and cried. Everyone did. No one could move or answer any questions so Giles closed the shop and we cried. Even Anya. We all felt the loss. We all had clear memories of a life without Dawn, but we also remember our lives with her. How much richer did she make them! She made us laugh more. She made *me* laugh after Graduation, after Angel left.
And now I can’t tell her how much better she made my life. I never got a chance to tell her that I’m happy the monks gave her to us, because we didn’t know the difference between the old life and the new one. And now, it’s too late and I have to deal with that. I have to go on. I don’t know how I can. How do I go on with an empty house where a sister and mother used to be?
I’m starting slow. After we had no more tears to cry, it dawned on me that Mom and Dawn would not have wanted us so sad. I looked up and said, “Even when Mom was sick, she wanted us to have fun and enjoy life.” Yes, she had defeated the tumor only to be killed by Glory, but I was right and everyone knew it. I invited them all over to the house and we ordered pizzas and sat around pictures of us all and told stories of times past. It was nice. Sure we cried more, but we laughed and I feel it was the first step in feeling. I welcomed the tears. I’d rather feel sad, than cold.
We were sitting at the table when there was a knock on the door. “Slayer? I know you’re in there.”
Just then, Giles and Xander stood to go tell him to go to Hell but I stood up and pushed them back onto the couch. “Just let it be.” I whispered and went to the door. “Hi.” I said to him.
“Hey.” He said. “Feeling better?” He asked with a smile.
“Feeling.” I replied. “Would you like to come in?” He looked at me before smiling and walking in.
“Buffy!” Xander said when Spike followed me into the living room. “I thought we de-invited him!”
“Xander,” Willow said as she took his hand. “Don’t make a fuss.”
“But-” he started to protest.
“Xander, please.” I said and he sat. That night, Spike sat with us and joined in the telling of stories. He told us about what he was thinking when my mom hit him with an axe on Parent-Teacher Night. He told us about how she’d consoled him when he came back after Dru dumped him the first time. And he told us about how much Dawn had loved hearing his stories.
Later that night, around midnight, Giles went home and Xander drove Willow and Tara home. Spike stayed behind for a few minutes to help me clean up. After he left, it was quiet. Deadly quiet. No television going. No Mom reading a book. No Dawn listening to the radio. I thought I could do it. It’s just a house, after all. A house that I’ve slept in for five years now. But after laying in my bed and crying for two hours, I got up, dressed and ten minutes later was creeping into Spike’s crypt.
He didn’t say anything when I climbed into bed next to him. And he didn’t say anything when I pulled his arms around me. And he didn’t say anything when I fell asleep on his chest.
And he hasn’t said anything any night since. And he didn’t say anything when I crawled in with him tonight either. I know he’s awake right now, but I’m comfortable laying in his arms, feeling his cool skin under my cheek. He plays with my hair and rubs my back as I slowly fall asleep.
My eyes open, as they have everyday of my life, and I’m ready to fight the day. He’s still sleeping. I think he usually doesn’t lay in bed all night, I’m not sure. But I slowly sneak out of his arms, which I’ve done the past five mornings. He shifts a little and stays asleep. I grab my coat and am on my way out to get some breakfast.
I try. I’ve tried every night to sleep in my house. But it’s not mine anymore. It never was. It was Mom’s. And now she’s dead. And everything that was once hers isn’t hers anymore and I want *her*, not her *stuff*. I try not to spend a lot of time at the house. It’s not even home anymore. It’s the house. I don’t know if it can ever be home again. Not mine anyway.
I grab a bagel on my way to the Magic Shop and when I get there, Anya is helping a customer pick out spell candles, and Giles has his nose in a book. As if nothing has changed. *Everything’s* changed. “Hi.” I say weakly.
“Good morning, Buffy.”
“Is it?” I ask and he looks at me with eyes full of sympathy. I hate pity.
“I… I hate to bring up work, but…”
“No. I need to fight.”
“Police found a body, mutilated, in the park last night. Possible demon.”
Then the door opens and Willow and Tara come in carrying a book and a laptop. “Hi, Buffy. We bring laptops that can find autopsy reports!”
“Great.” I fake a smile. Just what I want, autopsies. Let’s talk about my sister’s autopsy, or my mother’s. ‘Burned from within.’ That’s what the report said.
“Do we know what kinda demon it is, Giles?”
“Not yet. We need more information.”
“Ya know what? I’m gonna take off and you can… you can call me.” I say as I rush out. I’m running. I’m not sure where. Don’t they get it? THINGS AREN’T THE SAME! Nothing is. We shouldn’t be fighting demons! We shouldn’t be researching! We should be mourning. We should be crying. We should be… we should… we should be doing something other than ignoring the emptiness.
He’s standing there, bare-chested, with a mug of blood when I come barreling into the crypt with a flying sidekick to his gut. He lands on his ass and I jump on top of him and just start punching. He pushes me off and I jump up and turn towards him. He’s in vamp face, feral yellow eyes stare back at me. And he’s not upset, or mad, he’s ready. I go to punch him and he deflects it, but I manage to land a punch in his gut. He kicks me and I’m surprised when he doesn’t scream in pain. But I don’t care right now. I kick his back and he grabs my leg and twists. I spin in the air and land on the floor. I swing my leg up and knock him down.
We both jump up again and turn to face each other. I rip my top shirt off so I’m in my tank top. He growls and I lunge for him and punch him in the nose. He grabs my hair and pulls it back, but I throw my head towards his and he steps back dazed. I do a roundhouse into his gut, and he punches me in the stomach as I do. I turn and aim high, effectively kicking his head. He falls to the ground and I kick his face. His nose is bleeding, and I’ve got a few bruises, but it’s not enough.
Take the pain away, Spike. I chant to myself as I land on top of him and start wildly pounding on him. I don’t know when I started crying, but I did and he catches my wrists somehow. I look down at him through my tears.
My lips are on his before either of us knows what’s happening. I grab his hands and hold them tightly above his head as I bite his lips and make him bleed. He growls back at me and I squeeze my thighs around his stomach. He whimpers in pain and I take the opportunity to bite his tongue. I can taste his coppery blood and without thinking I prick my tongue on his fangs. He sucks on it greedily as I squeeze his gut tighter. He growls and I reach one hand down between us to unbuckle his belt. I pull it out and, while kissing him, I tie it around his wrists.
Then I start kissing down his chest. I bite his nipples which makes him hiss and yank on the belt. I’m not stupid. I know he could rip it apart if he really wanted to, but as I slide down his body to bite him, I feel his hardness against my body. He growls as I nip the skin right above his zipper. I look up and I can see a mix of lust, anger, hatred, and love on his face. Funny, with Angel, it was always love through brooding eyes. Spike’s not afraid to be what he is. He’s not afraid to admit that he loves the pain.
I unbutton his jeans and I can feel his eyes on mine as I take the zipper in my teeth and pull it down. His erection springs from it’s confines and I hear him growling. I can only assume that his growl right now means, ‘suck me.’ So, of course, I don’t. I lick up the base and enjoy this new sensation. Angel and I never had the chance, and I never wanted to with Riley. Anya has talked with me extensively about this, some I didn’t want to know, but I paid attention.
I take just the tip in my mouth and lick the precum that’s oozing out. Then I blow lightly on it and he screams this time. I laugh and pull his pants down all the way before climbing back up his body. I lay myself over him and start rocking against his hardened shaft. I attack his bleeding mouth as I dry-hump him. He bites my bottom lip before sucking on it gently. He’s thrusting up into my pelvis, trying to break through my skirt.
I just laugh, only my laugh isn’t one I recognize. It’s throaty and sultry and I like it. He still hasn’t said anything so I start kissing his jaws as I continue to rub my sex against him. I bite his ear and I hear him whisper, “that’s it, Slayer.”
Before I know what’s going on, he’s broken the belt and flipped up over. His hands are my skirt and I start sliding my foot up, as if to spread my legs, which he’ll allow. But instead I kick him in the face and he lands backwards. “My way.” I growl. There’s no way *I’m* letting *him* take *me.* He growls in protest so I slap his face.
I weasel my way out of my skirt and start rocking against his erection again. He’s whimpering and growling in protest, but he doesn’t say anything, but I think he’s finally hearing me. Someone is finally hearing me.
I do allow him to lift my tank top off and he smiles when he sees that I didn’t have a bra on underneath. I didn’t have the energy to put one on. His mouth attaches itself to my nipple and I feel his hand between us. He takes my clit in his fingers and *I* start to whimper. Okay, I’ve had enough. I grab his face and pull it up to kiss as I still my hips.
I think he understands because the same hand that was rubbing my clit guides his cock inside me. I impale myself completely. I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on before. I waste no time in squeezing him. His eyes roll back and I laugh again. Then I start moving, up and down, fast, and hard. He thrusts into me as well and he goes deeper. Fuck, he feels so good. I feel his hands on my hips, digging into my skin. My hands are on his shoulders and I can see the blood dripping onto the floor of the crypt from where my nails are cutting him. He just grunts and growls as I whine and moan.
“Harder.” I whimper, so he flips us over and starts pounding me into the floor. It feels good for a change but I’ve lost control. I wrap my legs around his hips and squeeze tightly, which makes my inner muscles tighten and he howls as he saws through me. “Soon.” I say. “Now…” I whisper.
Then I find my teeth in his neck as the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had slams through my body. I think I pass out for a second because the next thing I know is that he’s coming inside me and I’m screaming again. He growls and I feel his fangs pierce my skin and somehow, it seems right.
My heart is racing and I’m gasping for breath. He falls on top of me and then rolls off. I lay there on the floor of the crypt, on my back, next to the evil demon I just fucked. And I realize something. It felt good.
After I catch my breath, I look around and find my clothes. He just lays there while I get dressed and he doesn’t say anything as I leave.
I go back to the Magic Shop after walking around for an hour. I feel sore, my body aches, but in a good way. In the best way. I’m full for a change, literally and figuratively. I open the door and they have half-eaten sandwiches, and I have hunger. I take one while sitting down at the table. “Find anything?” I ask, hoping they don’t see any of the bite marks that might be on my lips.
“We think it’s a Kelgar demon. The victim had scratch marks on his body and the Kelgar has talons.” Willow explains. “There was also a stranger mark on his hand. Giles thinks it’s the Kelgar’s mark, but we have to do a little recon.”
“I’ll go.” I say without thinking. What did I just say? I said I’d go to the morgue and look a body.
“Actually, Xander already went. He should be back pretty soon. Where’d you go earlier?”
“For a walk.”
“Is everything okay?” She asks. How the hell can she ask that? No. Nothing’s okay. My family is dead. Didn’t she hear me when I told her? Didn’t she listen to the words at the funeral? They’re gone and they’re not coming back. Ever.
“Right as rain.” I whisper before standing up and go to the bathroom. I bite back the tears and look in the mirror. God, is that really me? My lip is slightly swollen and I’ve got a little blood dried on my chin. Why didn’t she say anything? Or didn’t I hear her ask? I wash my face off and go back out.
“Better?” She asks.
It doesn’t matter what I say since she won’t hear me anyway, so I say, “Much.”
“Buffy, if you wanna talk, I’ll listen.”
“But you won’t hear me.” I say while tears form again.
“Buffy-” She starts but then stops. She knows I’m right. “Please don’t shut us out again.”
“I’m not. I just… you can’t understand.”
“I know. Just don’t think that we can’t listen.”
“Okay.” I say and she starts reading the books again.
Four hours and ten books later, we have a blessed sword that I have to stab the demon with. I tell that I’m fine to do it, but inside, I know I’m not. I open the crypt door and peek inside. “Spike?” I think it’s the first time I’ve said his name since… since that night.
“Hello, Cutie.” He says. At first, I’m hesitant to step in, thinking it’ll be awkward after what happened, but he doesn’t seem to act different. So I don’t either.
“Feel like stabbing a Kelgar demon?”
“Why the hell not?” He says and grabs his duster.
“This is the sword we need to use. Willow did a spell.” I explain as we head out. “They say it’s hiding in the sewers.”
“Alright then, let’s go.” So we walk to the sewers, not saying anything, just listening to the cars that pass us on the streets and it’s nice. I like being with him. He listens to me when I’m not even saying anything. He listens when I don’t tell him I need him. He listens when I don’t tell him that I need what we have. And he listens when I don’t tell him that I can’t love him.
And I listen when he doesn’t tell me that I don’t have to say anything.
~El Fin de Hear~