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Shades Of Grey

Dee Bradfield

FEEDBACK: deebradfield@hotmail.com.

TIMELINE: AU. Set post-chip and Riley is long gone (happy, happy, joy, joy - spontaneous outburst, sorry). It's like Season Five, but without all the Glory/Dawn hoo-ha. (Who? Huh?).

SUMMARY: Spike realized his feelings a bit earlier than depicted in the show and took off for a while. Now he's back, and he's a little different. He experiments with some psychic stuff and is contaminated by a supernatural infection that he may have inadvertently passed on to Buffy and Giles. At least, that's how it started - I kinda went all Forrest Gump with the ball.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'em but I'll put 'em back in their Mutant Enemy box when I'm done playing, so don't sue me, 'K?

DEDICATION: To James Wesley Marsters for being such an all-fired hottie.

Chapter Five: GRR! AARGH!

The Scoobies arrived at Spike's crypt and hovered uncertainly outside.

"Should we knock?" Willow asked. "We should knock. Does Buffy knock?"

"It would be polite, I guess." Tara replied, doubtful.

"C'mon guys, its only Spike." Xander shoved the door open.

Willow frowned. "Are you sure? It doesn't seem right, just walkin' on in. I mean, he has to be invited to get in anywhere."

"He doesn't anymore," Anya commented as they followed Xander inside. "Not being restricted by vampire rules must be very liberating for him."

They all came to an abrupt halt and stared at the ten-foot, trussed-up warbling Keratos demon perched unsteadily on Spike's armchair.

"That's new," Anya said.

Xander blinked. "Yeah. And every home should have one 'cause they're so handy."

"What is it?" Tara was riveted to the spot, unable to take her eyes from the improbable scene. She hugged herself protectively.

"Guessin' that it's Spike's pal, the Keratos demon guy." Willow walked around slowly to stand in front of the beast. "Don't know why he's the one tied up, though. Wasn't Drusilla-? Oh." She halted. "Oh no."

"Should we, you know, untie him?" Tara asked. "He doesn't look too comfortable. And he keeps making that noise."

"Maybe we should wait for Spike," Anya suggested. "I mean, it's his demon."

"It's not a pet, honey," Xander informed her. He thrust his hands into his pockets and eyed the demon. "Although ... he's sort of cute in a non- fluffy, monstrous demon kinda way." He looked up eagerly. "Can we keep him?"

Willow leant forward and gingerly unwound a small section of cable, creating enough leeway for Apollyon to open his mouth and breach the remaining bonds. His strident howling began all over again, leaving the gang to do little but peer at each other with their hands clasped tightly over their ears.

Spike suddenly burst from the trapdoor opening and shouldered his way past Willow, rapidly moving to replace the cables. After securing the final knot, he turned to confront the group.

"Bloody hell!" he exploded, the furious glitter in his eyes motivating the witch to take a cautious step backward. "Whose bright idea was that?"

He glared at Buffy as she emerged from the tunnel, having clearly just said something defamatory in his mind. They waged a wordless battle for a few minutes, eyes flashing, then Spike hooked his thumbs in his belt and tilted his head defiantly.

Buffy stood firm and folded her arms, her jaw set.

"Oh, alright then." Spike gave the Scoobies a disgusted glance and wandered over to sit atop his sarcophagus. He lit a cigarette and stared moodily at the Keratos.

Buffy watched him with suspicion for a moment, and then turned back to the Scoobies. She gave them a wide smile. "What's up?"

"Besides the decibel level?" Xander anxiously tapped at the side of his head.

"I can't hear anything." Anya declared in a very loud voice. "I'm deaf. Is anyone else deaf?"

"Why is she asking the question if she won't be able to hear the bloody answer?" Spike pondered aloud, squinting at the former vengeance demon through a cloud of smoke.

"I thought I told you to stay out of this," Buffy cautioned.

"You don't dictate to me, Summers. Not big on the whole order-takin' vibe."

She rolled her eyes and turned back to Willow, who raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

"Don't ask." Buffy sighed. "What's with the group outing?"

"Oh, um, we've kinda got a Serpiente-related problem," Willow grimaced apologetically.

"Another one," Anya inserted, still speaking much louder than necessary.

Buffy felt Spike's approach. "Don't suppose you Scoobies've found the magical cure-all?" he asked, coming to a halt at her shoulder.

"No." The redhead's brow creased. "It's just, Giles is actin' kinda ... he's a little..."

"Vampirey." Tara supplied, helpfully. "With the yellow eyes and stuff."

"I'm really worried," Willow continued. "What if he gets all, you know, Grr?" She curved her fingers into a claw to demonstrate. "He hasn't got a chip like Spike does. He could hurt someone."

"Kinda doubtful, Red," Spike said, trying to reassure her. "My soul didn't make a miraculous reappearance, so I'd lay odds he's still intact." He smiled. "Rupes is more likely to act like His Royal Peachiness than some fresh-turned newbie."

"Spike's right." Buffy had the disturbing urge to lean against her misfit of a link-partner for support and threw a comforting arm around Willow's shoulders instead. "Giles would never hurt anyone, Will. Not if he could help it."

She glanced at Apollyon and suddenly realized that the demon had stopped whimpering.

Spike sensed her astonishment and was starting toward the Keratos before she could even finish processing the thought. He halted in front of the demon and narrowed his eyes, the cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. He took a deep drag and then leant forward threateningly.

"You all done?" he asked, blowing smoke across the demon's nostrils, his voice low and thick with menace, "'Cause you start up that caterwaulin' again and I'll kill you right quick."

The demon's startling green eyes rolled back into his enormous head and he collapsed backward, his sheer weight tipping the chair over with him.

Spike puffed out his chest. "Oh yeah. I still got it."

"That wasn't because of you." Buffy shook her head in disbelief. He was so full of it. "He's probably all traumatized or something."

"Yeah, by the Big Bad..."

"Hello? Not a real vampire anymore!"

That seemed to take the wind out of his sails. He tossed his cigarette onto the floor and exhaled dejectedly, his head bowing. Buffy could feel his frustration, and the dark layer of unadulterated terror lurking beneath it. She sent him a little extrasensory hug and he looked up in surprise. Their eyes met ... and held.

Xander cleared his throat, not liking the sudden tension in the air. "What's with the overzealous yawping anyway? He always like that?"

Spike glared at him. Insolent whelp - if he didn't have this chip, he'd be the first one...

The thought earned him a mental slap from the Slayer and his glare instantly transformed to a delighted smile, completely disconcerting Xander.

"Spike's smiling at me," he complained. "Officially power-freaked now."

"Shut it, Harris," Spike said affably, managing to sound quite pleasant. "I haven't gone about testin' the chip yet. Mightn't work now I'm sportin' all these human-type qualities."

Xander's eyes bulged, though it was hard to determine whether it was because of the threat or the tone of voice with which it was issued. He took refuge behind Anya, who was opening and closing her mouth repeatedly, trying to get her ears to pop.

"Spike, behave," Buffy ordered, taking charge of the situation. "We're going back to the shop to check on Giles. Now."

Spike sneered, but she could sense that he was enjoying her show of authority. He seemed to have a thing for strong women.

Buffy cautiously prodded the unconscious demon, nudging him with her foot.

"Is he gonna be okay?" she asked Spike, automatically interacting via their link. She was actually beginning to appreciate being able to share these secret conversations with him.

"When he passed out in that bar in Mexico, I just up and left him there," Spike admitted. "Don't see how this is any different."

"Remind me never to go out drinking with you."

"Why is he all ... with the bondage?" Willow inquired curiously.

"And, again, that screamy thing?" Xander put in. "What's that about?"

"There's the poser children," Spike noted. "We'll be askin' the same of Dru when we get to trackin' her down."

Still having the persistent impulse to touch him, and giving in to it just this once, Buffy reached over and grabbed Spike's hand.

Surprisingly, he didn't make with the sarcastic comments, gently stroking the pad of his thumb over the back of her hand instead. It was nice.

And his skin really was remarkably smooth for someone as experienced and battle-hardened as he was.

She blinked. Okay, where had that come from?

"We'll fill you in on the way," she said to the gang, heading out of the crypt and dragging a very pleased-looking Spike along behind her.

***********

The whole town was strangely dark. Or not so strangely, seeing that there was no moon and that all the streetlights were out.

Electrical disturbances usually heralded the arrival of some major league nasty and the group was well aware of it. They were a little more tense than usual, and it manifested as an elevated level of sniping.

"Well, I don't get it," Xander said. He was whispering to Anya, but it was loud enough for everyone else to hear because she kept telling him to speak up. "I know they're all linked and stuff, but the hand-holding? When did that happen?"

"Can't you belt him one?" Spike complained to Buffy in link-versation. "Just a little tap. Wouldn't take much. I'd do it, but I don't wanna risk a chip-zapping." He gestured vaguely toward his head. "Get the feelin' it might, you know, do a crossover."

"And since when did you decide that was a bad thing?" Buffy returned. "I thought you'd want me to see what it felt like. A chance to do a bit of damage."

"That was before."

"Oh, right," Buffy said cynically. "Before you realized you loved me."

"Before the sodding link, you nit." Spike became agitated. "I love you, yeah, but I've never once treated you like some delicate flower. You don't need coddlin'. Hell, you can protect yourself better than the average bloke."

Buffy stopped walking and stared at him. "Say that again."

"What? 'Average bloke'?"

She slugged him on the shoulder and he flailed back a few steps. "Hey!"

"You said it." Buffy pointed her finger at him accusingly, but it trembled a little. "I heard you. You actually said the words." His admission had been like a solid blow to the gut. She was having trouble drawing breath.

"You okay?" Spike was suddenly all attentive. "I can feel you strugglin' in there." He glanced back to the Scoobies, who had paused to watch their interchange. "And you're drawin' an audience."

Buffy continued to gape at him. "I didn't believe it, you know," she said. "Even after, when then link exploded. I could feel it, but I..." She shook her head, wonderment crossing her face. "It's really real. You really love me."

"Well, yeah." Spike was blushing again. Bloody human body. "Thought we'd pretty much established that."

"But it's wrong. It isn't supposed to be possible."

"Think I don't know that? Contrary to the popular belief 'round here, I'm not stupid." He sighed and stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek. "Doesn't feel wrong."

She blinked at him, wishing for some proper light so that she could really see him. Drown in those brilliant blue eyes of his and just ... Oops! Buffy, what are you doing? Focus!

She cleared her throat. "Right. Um, weren't we on a mission here?"

Spike smiled.

He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately, but she hadn't taken the time to notice. He usually had that perpetual 'don't trust me, I'm up to something' look on his face.

"Oh dear," he lamented, not sounding the slightest bit sorry. "Forgettin' your Slayery duties?"

Buffy gave him her best 'drop-dead' look, and resumed walking.

************

Drusilla sat in a corner of the Old Mansion with her favorite porcelain doll in her arms. Its eyes had been removed.

Miss Edith was blinded - just as that Jezebel Slayer had blinded her lovely William. Her lovely, wicked baby. He reeked of her. It would take her some time to get rid of the stench, but it would be well worth it and they would be a family again.

Daddy was on his way. She had made sure of it. The invitations had been sent and all the guests were coming. It wouldn't do for the entertainment to be spoiled and the Slayer played all the best games.

She hummed to herself as she fashioned a ribbon to cover the doll's empty sockets.

"It will be perfect, my darling," she whispered conspiratorially to Miss Edith's blanked-out countenance. "But you mustn't tell, it would ruin the surprise."

*************

Giles was beginning to worry himself. He paced up and down the Magic Box's floor like a caged animal, aware that something was profoundly wrong. He could feel the anger simmering through his system, and was finding it harder and harder to control.

It was not unlike that time he had been put under a spell and turned into a demon, although on this occasion he believed that there was no spell involved. This was Spike's fault.

He snarled, and then paused to contemplate the sound, startled to find it coming from his own throat.

Oh yes, this was definitely Spike's fault. He was exhibiting traits that were undoubtedly vampire-like. It was a short leap to the conclusion that it was as a result of the minimal contact that he'd had with Spike earlier. Another previously unheard-of Serpiente side effect.

Logically, in came down to the fact that some of Spike's demon element had been passed to Giles, just as Buffy's humanity had rubbed off on the vampire. It would be difficult to establish whether or not the situation could be reversed.

He looked up as the Scoobies arrived back at the shop. Xander and Anya barreled through the door, closely followed by Willow and Tara. It was the appearance of Spike that pushed him over the edge. Giles launched himself at the vampire, completely oblivious to the fact that he'd slipped into game face.

Spike reeled back, pivoted, and let fly with a vicious left that momentarily flattened the Watcher - and let the vampire know that the chip was still painfully operative.

"Ow!"

The cry came from Buffy and Spike simultaneously and they both clutched at their heads.

"See," Spike groaned to the Slayer. "Told you it'd do a crossover."

Buffy squinted at him. How did he take this? It was excruciating. Her eyes were watering.

Giles growled at them from the floor and Buffy stared down at him.

"Breathe," she instructed. "Count back from ten to one. Slowly."

Spike frowned at her. Had she been doing some prying when he wasn't looking? How did she know that was the precise method he used to calm himself down?

She smiled at him smugly and he narrowed his gaze. Bitch.

"I heard that."

"I know. Stop statin' the bleedin' obvious."

Giles was finally able to contain his rage enough for his game face to recede. "I am so very sorry," he said. "I'd like to say that I don't know what came over me, but that would be an outright lie."

Spike leant over the prone Watcher, his eyes narrowed meaningfully. "Not as simple as you thought, is it?" he asked.

"No, no. Certainly not." Giles pulled himself into a standing position and probed at the swelling on his jaw. "Quite the left hook, you've got there."

Spike shrugged. "Still runnin' on vamp-power, I guess."

"Have any other consequences surfaced?" Giles slipped seamlessly into Watcher Mode. "Anything else changed?"

"Just this latest interactive pain thing. Other than that, I'm still feelin' the need for McPlasma meals." Spike glanced at Buffy, who nodded in agreement.

"I can sense the craving," she said and gagged a little. "Wiggy doesn't even cover it, but I'm dealing." She stared at Giles intensely. "Speaking of..."

"I think I have adequately displayed my lack thereof," Giles shook his head. "I completely underestimated the potency of demon urgings." His gaze returned to Spike. "I'm amazed at your ability to control it."

Spike blushed again. He really had to get that under control. "I've lived with it for a bit longer," he said dismissively. "It gets easier." He glanced almost shyly at Buffy. "In some ways."

Buffy frowned. "Well, how about you cryptic that up?"

"Oh, for God's sake, spit it out," Anya said suddenly. "You're all so emotionally repressed. It's not healthy." She folded her arms defensively as they stared at her. "Well, it's not."

Spike sauntered away, perched himself several rungs up the ladder to the loft and lit a cigarette. He cleared his throat to make sure he had their undivided attention. "Right," he said. "Here goes then."

He pointed his cigarette-holding fingers at the group. "Fact one. This whole situation started 'cause I wanted to test a theory. Nothin' sinister, I just wanted to find out how Buffy truly felt about me is all."

The cigarette relocated to his mouth. "Fact two. Dru was behind the Serpiente. I had absolutely nothin' to do with it. Fact three..."

"Fact three," Buffy inserted. "The reason the Serpiente passed on to me, is because you're in love with me."

There was silence for a moment and then Xander started laughing.

"Good one, Buff," he applauded. Then he realized that no one else was sharing the hilarity. "What?" He peered around uncertainly. "She was joking. Right?"

"Unfortunately not," Giles said. "Spike seems to possess deep feelings that no-one believed his kind was capable of."

"You mean, our kind." Spike blew a smoke ring. "Seems I'm not the only one who's occasionally bumpy in the forehead region these days."

Giles rubbed at his brow, half-expecting the ridges to still be there. He could still feel the rage coursing through his body.

"But Spike ... I mean, he and -?" Xander stammered to a stop and sighed. "Wait. Why am I even surprised?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," Willow smiled indulgently at her lifelong best friend. "Hellmouth," she stated. "Explains everything. I mean, just look at who you're dating, Xander. A thousand-year-old ex- vengeance demon. Do you think that would be possible anywhere else in the world?"

"I'm guessing not." Xander smiled tenderly at Anya. "And lucky me for livin' in a Hellmouth-friendly area."

Spike snorted and stubbed out his cigarette on the handrail. He went to flick the butt to the floor, then thought better of it and tucked it into his pocket. He looked up to catch Buffy's knowing grin.

"Coward," she flung at him.

"Damn right," he sent back. "Don't want the Watcher gettin' all in a tizzy and settin' the chip off again."

"Well, I'm with you on that one." Buffy rubbed her temple, remembering the agony.

"Figured you would be."

Giles snarled again and they all turned to stare at him.

He appeared as stunned as they did. "Sorry," he apologized. "It just came out." He cleared his throat. "Speaking of feelings, Spike, what's the current status of your former paramour?"

"My what?" Spike blinked at him.

"He means Dru," Buffy said.

"Well, I know that. But 'paramour'? Who the bleedin' hell talks like that?"

"He's British," Xander put in. "You gotta allow for..."

"Hey, I'm British. I'm a sodding Londoner. I was around when everyone actually spoke like a bunch of prissy twits. What's his excuse?"

"Ignore him," Buffy advised Giles. "He's just trying to push your buttons to avoid the subject."

Spike glowered. She dismissed his ominous expression with a wave of her hand. "You can't intimidate me anymore, chipped wonder. Not that you were ever all that..."

Giles and Spike both growled in a tandem warning and then stared at each other in surprise.

"Whoa, surround-sound vamps," Xander remarked.

Willow and Tara giggled. Buffy ducked her head to avoid doing the same.

Spike swung back to her accusingly. "Hey, no cheek from you, Slayer," he cautioned.

"And again with the un-intimidation," she intoned. "Can we get back on- topic now?"

"Yes, of course." Giles massaged his forehead again, absently checking for ridges. "Drusilla?" he asked.

"Done a bunk," Spike gritted out. He should have been more alert. He of all people knew how slippery she could be.

"But not before doing something creepified to the Napoleon demon," Buffy added.

"Don't know what exactly," Spike continued. "Set him off like a sodding burglar alarm she did."

Giles hurried to rifle through a stack of books that he'd kept separate on the counter. He grabbed a volume and flipped to a book-marked page. "Was it a 'clamor of stentorian pipes, laden with despair'?"

"Nah, mate. It was bloody loud 'n all."

Giles frowned, reading. "When a Keratos demon begins issuing this sound, it is a sign of extreme psychic stress. Someone rather powerful was sending a signal. Is Drusilla capable of such strength?"

"Not without help. She's sighted, but it's only at parlor-trick level. Helpful, but not end-of-the-world stuff." Spike shifted on his perch. "'Course, she might've picked up a few things since I last saw her. Especially with the company she's been keepin'."

"Company?" Giles looked blank for a moment.

Spike stared pointedly.

"She did dump me for a Chaos demon," he stressed. "Moved on to a Fungus demon. Hell, for all I know, she was shacked up with Apollyon."

Buffy screwed up her nose, disgusted. She had a mental flashback of the enormous demon and her disgust deepened. "Ew! Thanks for the imagery Spike. I'll be having nightmares now."

"Join the club, Slayer."

The message was for her alone and she gazed at him, recalling the tormented memories she'd picked up from him before. His nightmares. Well, day-mares really.

"Do you think that you'll be getting my memories now the link's going both ways?" she suddenly asked him.

"Probably." He grinned at her. "Just don't be havin' any lurid dreams about the Incredible Hulking Moper right? Don't want him prancin' naked through my head."

Buffy broke up laughing, causing the rest of the group to stare at her like she was a crazy person. It just made it worse and set her off again.

Spike was experiencing her mirth firsthand and tried to contain the urge to join in. The giggle came out regardless.

The Scoobies swung back in his direction as one.

"Well, that's just adorable," Anya said, smiling.

"I've never heard him laugh before," Willow commented. "It's ... well, you're right. It's adorable. Very cute."

"It's not that cute," Xander groused.

Buffy watched Spike through laughter-induced tears. He was adorable. He looked so young and carefree, and so utterly gorgeous. She found herself standing in front of him before she even realized she was moving.

Spike met her eyes, still grinning like an idiot. "What?" he asked.

Buffy's breath hitched in her throat. She reached up to lay her palm along his face, her thumb resting in the hollow under his cheekbone. "I -", she began, then shook her head, her heart squeezing in on itself behind her ribs. "I can't..."

Spike leant into her touch, emitting a heady wave of adoration. "You don't have to say it," he told her.

Buffy searched his gaze for a moment, certain that she'd just seen a glimpse of a soul that he wasn't supposed to possess. She beamed at him, and then turned back to the others.

"I don't want Spike alone in his crypt," she announced. "He'll be staying with me."

"No, I won't," he said, voicing his own dissent over the ardent protestations of the Scoobies. "I can handle myself. You know that."

"You're vulnerable when it comes to Dru. She'll use it to manipulate you."

"So. That's not new."

"But this super-dupery psycho thing is."

Spike made to retort, but was stymied by the steely resolve in her eyes.

Hell, the Slayer wanted him to move in. Who was he to argue?

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