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Annie
Her head was more messed up now than before.
She didn’t want to just blurt it out, like “Hey Spike, by the way, while you were trapped in England I did some thinking and I realized that I’m in love with you!” It just seemed too stupid. And she didn’t want to rush into something that neither one of them really was prepared for…
She sighed.
Deep, deep down all she really felt was dread that maybe he would loose interest. That he would miss the game of him chasing her too much and move on. She knew THAT was stupid, he had proved her love for her time and again and still she just couldn’t get rid of the fear.
She was scared of herself too, of opening up her heart one more time because this time everything was so different… She looked at him and saw everything she needed and everything she could ever possibly want and that scared her so much. The stakes seemed so much higher somehow.
Angel, she had loved him, and he had left. He had had a soul.
Riley, she had loved him in a different way, and lost him as well. He had been human.
And here she was, with her heart filled with emotions towards Spike, who had refused to leave no matter what she tried to do to show him that she wanted him gone, who had sacrificed so much, who’s love for her had changed him and who didn’t have a soul, wasn’t human, and still more soulful and more human in so many aspects than anyone she had ever met, no matter how much he tried to cover it up.
She was walking home from the Magic Box, the sun was blazing and it was incredibly hot and she was growing more tired by the minute. The Scoobies had met for a quick meeting, a rather personal meeting, which mostly had to do with Spike and thus he had not been invited.
What’s gonna happen now? I don’t know! Have you told him, are you gonna? Yes, of course I am, but I don’t know when or how or… He should be made an official part of the gang.
The last statement had come from Willow who got all four pairs of eyes in the room directed towards her as she raised her eyebrows slightly.
“Well, don’t you agree? Isn’t that the subject everybody are here for but are too nervous to bring up?” she had asked and Xander had cleared his throat slightly, eyes darting from Buffy to Willow.
Buffy had smiled a little, then nodded.
“Yes,” she had mumbled. “Yeah, that’s what I think too. He should be.”
Willow nodded, turning her eyes on Xander and he had sighed a little, then nodded reluctantly.
“Fine,” he said. “I can’t fight the two of you. Make him a Scoob, I’ll back you up one hundred percent.”
Buffy had smiled a little wider, then it had diminished as she realized this left her with yet another huge change to tell him about, which reminded her of the first and really HUGE change… She had swallowed as she got off the table where she had been seated, walking up the few steps leading the exit and walked up to the door before turning around towards the assembled friends.
“I’ll tell him,” she had said, turning back to the door and pushing it open to walk outside.
Now she was on the curb of her house and her head was tumbling with thoughts and her chest was in a roar of emotions. As she looked up and saw the yellow building she drew a small breath before bracing herself a little.
She opened the front door and stepped inside, turning her head around to see if he was on the couch, which he wasn’t.
“Spike?” she called out and walked through the hallway and into the kitchen, noticing that the door was unlocked she opened it and stepped outside.
He was seated in the shade of a tall tree to her left, resting his back against the trunk of it and his eyes met hers. He smiled a little and she did the same before walking out on the lawn, crossing it and stopping in front of him.
“Hi,” she said and he smiled wider.
“Hello, pet,” he said and she felt something warm and fuzzy start to move inside.
She brushed at it, didn’t want to lose control, but it avoided her skillfully and just kept on tickling her stomach as she met his gaze.
“Whatcha doing?” she asked and he shrugged, holding up his walk-man and still smiling at her he answered:
“Nothing much…”
She shook her head at him, crossing her arms over her chest and shuffling her feet slightly. These movements made him push the pause button and he pulled the small headphone out of his right ear, the left one already dangling down his left shoulder and then he looked up at her questioningly, the smile fading on his face as he sensed the tension that was building up around her.
“Buffy, is something wrong?” he asked quietly and she drew a breath, meeting his gaze she suddenly smiled a little.
“Well, no…” she mumbled, suddenly looking a little nervous and he furrowed his brow as he eyed her closely. “I was at the Magic Box just now,” she said, waving a hand towards where the place mentioned was most likely to be and her whole being all of a sudden seemed fidgety. “Well, we had a meeting kind of…and we were talking about stuff…and things…”
“Sounds bloody interesting, Slayer,” he said sarcastically and she sighed a little, a hand flying up to scratch her brow as she seemed to impatiently search for the right words. “Well, go on,” he now added with a smirk and she glared at him, which only made him smile wider.
“We want you to be an official part of the gang,” she stated and now he stared at her, smile once more pulling back and giving way for surprised astonishment.
“What? No more Spike-I-need-a-favor, Spike-you-have-to-help, Spike-is-only- good-enough-when-the-shit-is-really-hitting-the-fan?” he asked, his eyebrows shooting up and she smiled slightly.
“Oh no, there will be lot’s of those! Except for the last one, of course,” she answered him and sunk down on her knees in front of him, he smiled a little as well before she continued: “We just…we need you, Spike. You’ve been incredible this past year, and we all really are grateful for that,” she picked at the grass by her side as she avoided his gaze a little before adding: “I just wanted you to know that and that if you accept this then it’s a lifetime commitment we’ll need from you, okay? Honestly, we’ll be counting on you to stick around… For a long time.”
She looked up a little to see what kind of reaction she’d get from him and meeting his gaze his eyes suddenly seemed to penetrate her with such a searching expression in them that she almost grew scared he could sense that wasn’t all she was talking about.
“Have dinner with me,” he suddenly said, reaching out and gently grabbing her hand.
She stared at him, butterflies joining the fuzzy feeling in her stomach as she met his gaze, which was more than serious.
“Are you asking me out on a date?” she asked, masking the fluttering inside with a hint of tease but he merely smiled a little and squeezed her hand.
“Yes,” he then answered her calmly and she drew a shaky breath at that.
“Like a DATE-date?” she asked and he smiled wider, nodding slowly.
“A I’ll-pick-you-up-at-your-door-and-take-you-to-a-restaurant kind of DATE- date,” he answered her now and she gulped a little, staring into his eyes and then she smiled tentatively.
“Okay…” she said slowly.
“Okay?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow and she squeezed his hand a little.
“Okay,” she said and he looked at her, his eyes showing that he was surprised but then he smiled, nodding.
“Okay,” he mumbled.
She pulled her hand carefully out of his grip and got to her feet.
“What time?” she asked and he smiled.
“Eight?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“See you then?” she asked and now he grinned.
“We’re in the same house, Slayer, I think you’ll see me BEFORE then,” he pointed out and she laughed a little, shaking her head at herself and wondering where the hell her brain was at.
“Right, of course…Eh…I’m just gonna… I have to go and… Bye,” she murmured, turning around and walking back inside.
He stared after her, shaking his head to himself and not believing that this was happening.
What the hell HAPPENED while I was gone? he thought to himself, pressing the play button and letting the heavy chorus of his favorite under ground metal band push the questions out of his head.
Maybe some would be answered tonight… on his date…with Buffy.
“Unbelievable,” he grumbled, shaking his head again and feeling a warm and fuzzy feeling start to tickle inside his chest.
***
Buffy glared at the watch. Time was NOT on her side this evening.
Willow watched in silent wonder as her friend ran around like she was trying to do a thousand things at once, combing her wet hair, brushing her teeth and rummaging through her closet like a maniac before swirling around and running up to the desk, looking for a fitting necklace, then turning on her heels again and rushing over to the mirror.
Willow smiled a little, shaking her head.
“Buffy, I think you need to calm down,” she said and Buffy stopped dead in her tracks, grabbing her toothbrush and starting to brush violently as she in a voice muffled by the toothpaste answered:
“I AM calm, Willow! I’m calm, see,” she added, sinking down on the edge of the bed and one hand continuing to move the toothbrush as the other tried to untangle the brush from her hair.
Willow moved over the mattress to help her with the latter and when she freed it Buffy got to her feet, exciting the room to get rid of the paste in her mouth.
Soon she came in again, a small smile on her lips as she shook her head.
“Okay,” she said, reaching out her hand and grabbing the brush as Willow handed it to her. “Let’s see what I should wear…”
She started to brush her hair thoughtfully as she walked to stand in front of her open closet, scanning all the old and boring clothes that he had seen maybe a hundred times, if not a thousand times.
“I should have bought something new,” she sighed. “I should have gone to that shop where we bought that dress once…I don’t remember the name… Well, it was a REALLY nice shop and I could have bought something REALLY nice to wear but oh no, I have to think about the bills and the food and the don’t- waste-what-you-can-save policy I have frigging slapped across this household!”
“Buffy,” Willow interrupted and Buffy sighed, turning to her with a helpless expression on her face. “He loves you, to him you’re always beautiful, have you ever even stopped to think about that?”
Buffy sighed again, shaking her head a little.
“Thanks, Will,” she said and then threw the brush on the bed as she turned back to the closet and started throwing pieces of clothing out of it. “But it’s not enough. I have to…dazzle him,” she said, smiling to herself. “I want to leave him absolutely breathless.”
Willow smiled at that.
“Something tells me he’s kinda breathless ALL the time, though,” she said and Buffy turned to her with a friendly glare.
“You know what I mean, Will,” she pointed out and pulled out a dress that she had almost forgotten that she had, eyeing it closely she added: “Right now my humor level is down at zero so forgive me for not laughing, okay?”
Willow nodded, still smiling, as Buffy discarded the dress with an impatient growl and started rummaging again. Finally she pulled out a low cut dress that she had only worn once and that was a LONG time ago, back when she was dating Angel… But it hadn’t been for him, she recalled, it had been for a party she had gone to for… God, she couldn’t even remember who for!
“I’m a terrible friend,” she said sadly, shaking her head as she looked at the soft and silky dress. “But thanks to whoever got me to buy this ‘cause it’s perfect…AND he hasn’t seen it on me,” she added with a small smirk and turned to Willow. “What’d you think?” she asked, holding up the dress and Willow nodded approvingly.
“He’ll just DIE,” she said with a smile and Buffy laughed at that.
She closed the closet door and let the gray robe slip off her shoulders before taking the dress off its hanger and raising her arms, slipping the thin fabric over her head and then pulling it down.
It squeezed her hips gently and the back was so low and wide cut that it was practically bare. The milky white silk worked fabulously with her blonde locks and she smiled a little at her reflection.
Then her eyes turned to the alarm clock and her heart started pumping inside of her again.
“It’s almost seven thirty!” she exclaimed, twirling around and grabbing her brush off the bed. “Why didn’t you TELL me?” she exclaimed with a glare at Willow and Willow bit back a smile as she blinked innocently at her friend.
“You didn’t ask me to keep track of the time, Buffy, you only wanted me here for moral support, remember?” she stated calmly and Buffy huffed at that.
She pulled out her hairdryer and worked for ten minutes on getting her locks right around her head, Willow still observing her from the bed.
Finally her friend seemed slightly satisfied and started running around like a maniac again in search for her make-up bag, which she finally found in its usual place on her desk.
“Buffy, you know, it’s okay if your nervous,” Willow said comfortingly as her friend raced up to the mirror again, starting to unscrew her mascara with hard twists of her wrist.
“No, its NOT okay,” Buffy said shaking her head a little as she finally got the top off. “Its SPIKE, for God’s sake, I shouldn’t be acting like this. Not with someone that I’ve known for so long and that I know so WELL already…Dammit, why does he always do this to me lately, I can’t bloody well THINK straight anymore whenever he’s around and the way he just looks at me and just kind of smiles a little and OH what the HELL is wrong with this mascara?!”
Willow moved off the bed to come help her.
“You’re hands are trembling,” she said with a small smile. “Here, let me do that.”
Buffy sighed as Willow gestured for her to sit on the bed and she obeyed, sinking down on the edge of it once more and tilting her head back to let Willow help her.
“I just… What if we don’t have anything to talk about? What if it’s just awkward and tense? What if all we really have IS this…passionate…thing? What if…”
“…he’s just so right for you that you can’t deny it any longer and you realize that you’re on the brink of starting a real relationship?” Willow finished and Buffy looked at her, then nodded slowly which made Willow smile slightly again. “It’s kinda weird to think of you two TOGETHER as in a couple, I admit that,” she said before continuing, “but it’s still a nice thought, especially after everything that seemed to have happened in London. Before I didn’t think that he deserved you, he was, and still is I suppose, a demon and I mean, I don’t dislike the race in general, but Spike really, really was a bad one when he came here and I guess that just like Xander I had a hard time really letting all that go… Fist impression’s a bitch, don’t you think?” she added and Buffy couldn’t help but laugh at the sound of such a strong word in her friend’s mouth.
Willow smiled a little and then went on.
“The way he is with you… I guess on some level it always did get to me, just as on some level it always really did get to you. There’s no doubt anymore that he loves you and I just feel like it’s this big relief to finally KNOW, you know?” Buffy nodded silently. “And I’m really happy for you,” Willow finished and Buffy smiled gratefully, feeling tears start to rise in her eyes. “No, no, don’t do that!” Willow exclaimed, smiling. “You’ll ruin your face!”
Buffy laughed, shaking her head and holding the tears back as Willow bent down and embraced her.
“Thanks, Willow,” she said and Willow smiled, nodding.
“You can always count on me being here to give you the advice you so desperately need,” she said pulling away and smiling widely. “In fact, I do have one more thing to say.”
Buffy looked up at her, curious and quizzical as to what was next.
“Well, I’m just surprised, kind of, that all that time when you were in his arms and he made you forget and feel better about everything, how he made it easier to face the everyday of your life, you didn’t even for a moment consider that that might be where you belonged after all… That him being there for you might have been exactly what you needed. I mean, that is what such a big part of love is, at least for me with Tara…” she trailed off for a moment and then collected herself, continuing: “Being there for each other and easing each others’ pain or stress or whatever… I just think it’s funny that you never thought about that.”
Buffy smiled a little at how right she was.
“I know what you mean,” she said. “But I was so confused that I MIGHT actually think that that I just pushed the question aside and focused on the fact of him being a VAMPIRE… That he was incapable of love and blah- blah-blah, I’m sure you remember…”
Willow smiled, nodding.
“Well,” she then said, moving out of the way so that Buffy could look at herself in the mirror. “Now all that doesn’t matter anymore,” she stated as Buffy got off the bed and studied her reflection before nodding and turning thankfully to Willow.
“No,” Buffy said. “I suppose it doesn’t. Thanks for putting on my face, Will,” she added with a big smile and Willow returned it.
“What are friends for?”
“Wow!” Dawn’s voice was heard from the doorway and the teenager entered the room with a glowing expression on her face. “You look absolutely fab!” she exclaimed with a giggle and embraced Buffy.
Buffy smiled, hugging her back.
“Thanks, Dawn,” she said. “I needed to hear that.”
“Hah,” Dawn said, shaking her head as they pulled away from each other. “Right you did,” she added sarcastically and Buffy looked at her with a serious expression, nodding.
“Yeah, I did,” she said and Dawn smiled at her.
“Nervous, huh?” she asked and Buffy sighed.
“If it’s that obvious to YOU guys I don’t even wanna think about what HE’LL sense!” she said and Dawn smiled.
“I’m sure he’s just as nervous as you about this whole thing,” she stated firmly.
***
Spike straightened his back a little, trying to think of what he should say…how he should act…
“Dammit that I don’t have a bloody reflection!” he grumbled, running his hands through his short hair for the twentieth time and sighing deeply to himself.
“If you want some help just ask,” Xander’s voice suddenly rang behind him and he twirled around surprised that he hadn’t heard monkey boy enter.
“From you? No thanks,” he said, raising his eyebrows and regretting his words the moment Xander raised his hands defensively, palms out, before saying:
“Fine,” and then walking into the kitchen from the hall.
Spike drew a small breath, shaking his head to himself as he walked through the living room, stopping in the doorway into the kitchen observing Xander as he pulled a glass out of a cupboard and helped himself to some water.
“I’m sorry, okay,” Spike murmured, the words feeling strange in his mouth directed to this particular mortal. “I’m a little…I’m a bloody wreck, tell you the truth,” he then added and at that Xander turned to him with the trace of a smile on his lips.
“Acting on impulse when you asked her out?” he now asked.
“COMPLETE impulse!” Spike agreed, shaking his head at himself as he entered the kitchen. “I don’t know what the bloody hell I was thinking… I was totally okay about it at first but now my mind is seriously starting to pull up a blank as to what I should talk to her about…!”
Xander smirked at that, taking a sip of his water and then nodding.
“I know the feeling, BELIEVE me. What you have to focus on is not TRYING so hard, you know, just don’t TRY to relax, don’t TRY to find a subject to talk about, and then it’ll come naturally.”
“Yeah, but where I’m at now I think I would seriously have to TRY not to TRY, so would it still work?” Spike asked and Xander nodded.
“That’s the place you have to be for it TO work,” he answered and Spike started to relax a little at that.
“Okay, thanks,” he said and Xander nodded, neither one of them really believing that they had actually just had a conversation without blowing up in each other’s faces.
“Sure,” Xander said and Spike nodded slightly before turning and walking back into the living room. “Hey,” Xander said behind him and Spike turned around again, questioning. “About the reflection thing…you want some help?” he then asked and Spike thought it over for a moment before nodding.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Xander nodded a little as well, putting his glass down on the breakfast table and walking up to the vampire. He eyed him for a moment and then gave him a tap on the shoulder:
“You look all right,” he said and Spike paused, then shrugged.
“Okay, good,” he said.
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