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Annie
Dawn hurried down the stairs, brushing her long hair, searching for Willow.
“Willow?” she called. “You down here?”
She noticed the back door was slightly opened the minute she entered the sunlit kitchen and she felt her heart settle in her throat.
Oh, no, she thought. Something’s gotten to her!
She didn’t think, she ran up to the door and tore it open in true Slayer imitation and ran charging out into the back yard with a growl of anger.
Willow’s head jerked up, she was sitting on the white painted lawn furniture and had just finished her breakfast. She stared surprised at the teen, who had her brush held over her head as if she was going to use it as some kind of a weapon.
She’s possessed! Willow thought and scrambled to her feet, trying to remember what she was supposed to do to…
Then Dawn was around her neck in a hard hug and Willow abandoned the idea.
“Oh my God,” Dawn gasped; now almost laughing. “I thought some huge thing had come and taken you away!”
Willow smiled, hugging her back before letting her go.
“Nah, that usually happens at night time around here, remember?” she said and Dawn looked up at the blue sky, smiling.
“Should’ve,” she concluded with a shrug. “So…I didn’t talk much to you last night.”
“No, I’m sorry I wasn’t very…HERE but it’s just…Tara…”
Dawn giggled.
“I KNOW, gees, you don’t have to apologize! I just meant that I wanted to talk to you about the whole Buffy-Spike thing… I mean, you were saying something and then Xander came and then there was school and…all of that stuff. I just REALLY wanna know what you’re thinking about all of it.”
Willow nodded and gestured for them to sit down.
“So, the question was…” she asked.
“If you think that Buffy might actually like Spike and that she’s being all nasty to him ‘cause she doesn’t know how to deal,” Dawn filled in, in one breath. “And you said that she hadn’t TALKED to you about it but… And then Xander walked in.”
Willow thought for a moment about her friend. Xander, her best friend and once upon another lifetime her secret love. And now he was off to some horrible place to search for Anya and Willow felt the small tare of fear rip ever so slightly more in her heart as she thought about it.
“Will? Are you okay?” Dawn asked and Willow snapped out of it, turning to her with a small smile.
“Yes, sorry… Um, this thing with Buffy and Spike, it’s… I really don’t know how to explain it,” she mumbled, thinking back to all the times she had quietly observed the vampire’s eyes on Buffy, and then, all of a sudden, sometimes caught Buffy looking at HIM…
There had been such a clear sexual tension between them ever since last fall that she had started to suspect them doing more than just patrolling together. She hadn’t wanted to bring the subject up with Buffy, seeing how the mere mention of Spike’s name seemed to make her uncomfortable and almost annoyed. Now Willow wondered why that was, maybe it had just been a smokescreen to hide behind.
Still, the fact of the matter was that she hadn’t been able to figure anything else out, and so all she really had was suspicions that there might be more between the Slayer and the Vamp than they let on. And if she was to be honest, she had absolutely no clue whether that ‘more’ was on a sexual level or rising above it.
On the other hand, she now thought, Buffy would not have been comfortable sneaking around with Spike had she actually fallen for him, now would she? That HE was in love with her she thought was kinda obvious, at least in the sometimes-creepily-knowing-her-inside-out kind of way… But…
“Hello!” Dawn exclaimed. “I know I have half an hour before the bus comes but I would like an answer TODAY!”
Willow grinned at her, then sighed a little.
“Dawn, I think you’re right,” she answered and the teen started beaming. “But,” she added, “I don’t know WHAT kind of ‘liking’ it is.”
Dawn, still grinning, jumped to her feet.
“Me neither, but I’ll find out sooner or later! Thanks, Willow!” and with that she turned and ran back into the house.
Willow leaned back against the chair, trying to think about the whole thing.
If she found out Buffy had been with Spike all this time, how would she really feel about it?
***
Buffy stood in front of the mirror in her room, looking critically at her reflection, searching for any flaw. She was wearing a pretty dress in a thin cotton fabric, which was so pale pink it bordered on white.
She was nervous. She was awfully nervous. This whole thing seemed all of a sudden like a really bad idea. She was so sure she was going to screw up that she hadn’t been able to eat a bite at breakfast, despite Spike’s temper almost going through the rough at her not eating anything.
She smiled a little, and then felt another wave of jitters attack her as she thought about what she had concluded the night before. She hadn’t told him, luckily they hadn’t had time to be alone together all morning, everybody had been busy packing and making sure everything that was needed had been brought.
The journey to lord Hart’s estate would take them an hour and a half if the weather stayed the way it was, the sun was up. Of course it would be, on the one day when Spike HAD to be outside.
Buffy straightened out her skirt a little, and when she turned around he was standing in the doorway.
“Spike!” she exclaimed. “God, I hate it when you sneak up on me like that!”
He cocked an eyebrow at her, entering the room.
“Really? I thought your Slayer senses would’ve detected me halfway up the stairs,” he said and she sighed.
“I was…a little preoccupied,” she mumbled, feeling her nerves tie themselves in triple knots underneath her skin. “Spike, I don’t think I can do this,” she said, sinking down on the edge of her bed.
He tilted his head a little. How he always did that! Then he smiled and cautiously came to sit beside her. He didn’t touch her, she noticed, but seated himself a little away from her. She wondered why, feeling a little rejected, and then she almost wailed at her self : “DUH! You WANT him on arms length! Or did you already forget?”
“Buffy,” he now said. “You KNOW you can do this.”
She looked down, shaking her head a little and once more the nervousness took over her entirely.
“No, I don’t!” she said, leaning forward to rest her head in her hands. “I’m going to mess this up, Spike, I can feel it. Everything’s going to go wrong, I’m gonna fall flat on my face when we get out of the carriage, I’m gonna forget everybody’s names, including lord…lord…”
“Hart.”
She looked up at him, frustration in her eyes at that.
“See!” she cried. “I can’t even remember his name NOW!”
He smiled at her, soothingly, and it made her smile back.
“You think I’m acting like a royal idiot, don’t you?” she asked and looked down again, feeling a small tingle near her heart.
He laughed a little.
“No, not a ‘royal’ idiot, Buffy, you’re not lady enough to deserve that title.”
She looked up at him, he was still smiling and she realized why the sentence had sounded so familiar, she had used parts of it yesterday with Sarah discussing his poems and how she wouldn’t stay away from them...
“Well, fine, so you heard that,” she mumbled, getting to her feet. “I’m sorry, okay.”
“No, you’re not,” he said without any hesitation and she turned to him.
“I HATE that! I HATE that you know me better than myself! And here you are, all good and kind all of a sudden, it’s just too much for me right now!” she exclaimed, a night of tossing and turning over the matter coming out in her words.
Spike had stiffened considerably at hearing them and his brain was seriously starting to work overtime wondering what the hell she meant by that, did she know about green-eyes? But, how could she?
“What…eh, what makes you say I’m all ‘good and kind’?” he asked slowly. “I mean, I’m not exactly out of you hair, am I, Slayer?”
The feel of his hands in her hair, his body weight melting into her own.
She shook it off, drawing a sharp breath.
“No, you’re REALLY not,” she agreed, walking past him to stand by the window.
He got off the bed.
“Then…what did you mean?” he asked, and this time she could clearly hear the carefulness in his voice.
She turned to him.
Bugger, she’s getting suspicious, he thought.
“Well, what I mean is that…Well, I don’t know,” she said, smiling a little. “I guess… Well…”
“Well?” he asked, now a little curious about exactly what she had on her mind.
“Well, I guess that…sometimes…you can act pretty descent,” she said and he furrowed his brow, smiling questioningly. She took a breath to continue: “What I mean is that I think that you might be kind of nice at times… Like, with Dawn and things,” she said, hardly able to meet his gaze.
“Things?” he asked and now he was getting that tease back in the corners of his eyes.
“Spike! I’m trying to TELL you something here,” she said, and he raised his hands in defense, then he smiled, still teasing she noticed.
“What is it, love?” he asked softly and she felt that shiver she had been unable to kill travel up her spine at the sound of his voice.
“I’m just… It’s just…” she started to realize that if she actually told him what she had gone around thinking about the past days, and what she was currently contemplating, she would not only never hear the end of her not seeing him as that evil thing she had proclaimed him, she would also offend him yet again by telling him that she still wasn’t sure of his love for her.
She made up her mind and said:
“All I’m trying to say is thank you… I don’t remember if I’ve ever thanked you for what you did when I was gone… For Dawn, and everybody else too, I guess.”
He smiled a little, feeling like there was something she was leaving out, but not willing to dig deeper into the subject right now, content with hearing her honestly thank him for something he had done was for the moment quite enough.
“You’re welcome,” he said.
Buffy then remembered that he had seemed all strange when it came to the subject of him being nice…
Hm, he’s a vampire, he’s a rebel, he’s not really bound to change, and I think it’s STRANGE that he’s not all warm and fuzzy over the fact that I think he might have some good in him? she thought. Well, hasn’t he gone around acting all bad boy when actually HELPING people? she added, hating the confusing subject but unable to let it go.
He WAS different. Maybe she wasn’t a wiz, and maybe she didn’t have the abilities as he did to feel and read others, but she could sense THAT for sure.
Now that I’ve opened my eyes to it, she remarked to herself.
And then the thoughts that she had decided to postpone for the coming three days slithered back into her head and she started arguing different approaches on how to find the answer.
If he has changed, a being that is over a century old and hasn’t even thought of changing before, has it got to do with me? Does he love me? Is that why he has gone through this change?
Or is he just blinded? Is he like me…? She paused a moment at that thought and then continued with: maybe his desire is so deep that he thinks it’s love…
“Buffy?” his voice broke through her thoughts and she looked up, a little surprised.
“Oh, sorry,” she said, laughing it off. “Um, I was just thinking about everything. You know.”
He nodded.
“Are you ready?” he asked and she sighed again.
“No,” she answered and he smiled an understanding smile.
“Look, all you have to remember is to try not to speak too much before you are spoken to,” he said. “Smile at the gentlemen but not too brightly and smile at the ladies but not too stiffly, you need to relax and then you’ll just ease into it.”
She looked at him, once more feeling the thought of him actually loving her making her cheeks start to burn. She would really have LOVED to know why!
“Ease into it, huh?” she asked doubtfully and he smiled.
“You’ll be bloody great, Slayer,” he said cheerfully and she couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“Now, there’s the Spike I know and…” she stopped herself and he looked at her, a smile hinting on his lips and his eyes sparkling with laughter.
“’Know and’ what, pet?” he asked and she put on a mask of indifference as she glided past him, grabbing the small hat that went with her dress as she passed where it had been resting on a chair.
“Let it go, Spike,” she said before exciting the room.
He shrugged, following her.
“Whatever you say, love,” he said, relieved that she hadn’t brought the whole ‘good and kind’ thing up again, now more than sure that the green- eyes incident had NOT been what she’d meant.
***
The ride in the small carriage was a bumpy and extremely uncomfortable one. The carriage was steaming hot because of the fact that they had to have the drapes closed for Spike’s sake and everybody were drowsy and starting to get in a bad mood as Sarah said:
“Oh, Lord, I think I see the house!”
She was carefully peeking out through the curtains of the carriage, making sure none of the light got near Spike.
Buffy moved closer to her to have a look as well, she felt sick on account of her nerves that felt like they were alive under her skin, sending shivers and quakes though her entire body.
She had seen enough of Giles TV shows and videotapes and she didn’t know what else to know how complicated the British aristocracy was, not to mention how scared out of her mind the lessons with Mrs. Jenkins had gotten her. There were a thousand things to remember just in the way to take a gentleman’s hand so that he didn’t take it the wrong way. Well, maybe not a THOUSAND but it might as well have been.
What she was most nervous about was the dining. All those damn forks and spoons and knives, she just KNEW she was going to forget which were which. And then there was all the etiquette around the frigging table to remember!
As she caught her first glimpse of the ‘house’ her eyes widened until they looked like they were about to pop out of her head.
“That,” she said in a hoarse voice, moving away from the window and leaning back, “is NOT a house, that is a frigging MANSION!”
Spike was seated in front of her and now he leaned forward, gently taking a hold of her hands with his and pulling her forward a little as well before saying:
“All you have to do is find that strength that everybody can see in you, Slayer. You’re bloody invincible and you KNOW that, I know you do. These people can’t hold a candle to you. And you will dazzle them, I promise you that.”
She stared at him, surprised at the words and feeling something close to a calm start sinking over her. He nodded a little.
“I can see it now, Slayer. All you’ve gotta do is hold on to it.”
He squeezed her hands before letting them go, leaning back.
She was about to open her mouth to say something when the carriage stopped.
“But…Spike…the sun,” she started to protest as the door was opened and Sarah rose to take the hand offered to her by a servant outside.
“Don’t worry,” Jacob said, gesturing for her to follow Sarah. “We’ve told them William is allergic to the sun and has to keep to the shade. Go on.”
Buffy turned her head to Spike, finding herself seeking strength in his blue eyes. Then she smiled at him and he returned it before she got up, huddled down, and took her first steps into the arms of the English elite.
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