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Kallysten
Disclaimer : Of course they belong to someone else, I just play with them sometimes.
Distribution : Sure, just tell me where.
Story notes : AU, set after As We Were and before Hell's Bells.
Warnings : Character Death, Bloodplay, NC-17 in future chapters
Feedback : Anything but flames kallysten_fr@yahoo.com As for most fanfic authors,
feedback motivates me to write faster... (hint, hint)
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Buffy ran until she was inside the house, clutching the blanket tightly around her, uncomfortably aware that it was the only thing that separated her from a final death. She went straight to the kitchen, taking her coat off on the way. She sat down at the table, turning in her hands the blood bag Spike had given her. Now that she was looking at the thing, she regretted not having taken advantage of his invitation. It was all his fault. Worried about a stupid shirt. As if all his shirts were not exactly the same anyway.
Lost in her ruminations, she didn’t notice Giles was in the kitchen until he asked her gently : “Would you like me to warm that for you ?”
She smiled at him gratefully. “Yes, please.”
As she absently watched him going around the kitchen, a sudden thought came to her. “Where is Dawn ?”
“Getting ready for school.”
Buffy nodded. “School. Good. She missed too much of it already when I was sick.”
The microwave beeped, and Giles took out the mug, placing it in front of her. She stared at the dark liquid. It smelled nice, sure, and she was hungry, but it still wasn’t very appealing.
“Buffy… Why were you with Spike ? I thought you and Angel…”
The Watcher’s voice trailed, as if he didn’t know how to finish the thought.
“I do love Angel,” she said slowly, taking a tentative sip of blood. “I don’t know why I went to Spike. I couldn’t sleep and I just went there. It felt… normal … logical.”
Giles took his glasses off. Bad sign…
“He didn’t force you to… did he ?”
“No ! God no !”
Blinking several times, she studied the few drops of blood her shaky hands had just spilled on the table. “He just turned me,” she said more calmly. “Nothing else happened.”
She took a longer sip of blood, and it almost tasted bitter after her semi lie. Nothing happened, except that she had fed from him. Three times. And loved every second of it. And hoped somewhere deep inside that she would again.
A bit guilty about not telling the whole truth, she felt compelled to tell Giles about her other little secret.
“I slept with him,” she whispered. “Before I got ill.”
Her eyes remained fixed on the mug in her hands, almost empty now. She couldn’t face him. She had probably disappointed him more in the last few hours than in all the years he had been her Watcher.
“Are you in love with him ?” came the quiet question.
Her eyes shot up, widened in surprise. “Of course not ! I love Angel !”
He said nothing, simply looking at her, his head slightly tilted to one side.
“Come on Giles, it’s Spike ! Bad, evil, soulless Spike. There is no way in Hell I would ever have feelings for him.”
He nodded, a sad smile coming to his lips.
“Yes Buffy, it’s Spike. Spike with whom you slept. Spike who turned you. Spike to whom you ran when you couldn’t sleep. Spike whom you still haven’t staked.”
She started shaking her head in denial, but before she could protest both Willow and Dawn entered the kitchen.
“Morning Buffy !” the Witch said cheerfully. “Where were you ? You scared us for a while.”
Willow didn’t know… Why did that sound like a good thing ? She used to tell all her secrets to the redhead, that was what best friends did.
“Hey Will. I was just out and about.”
“Just to let you know,” Willow said between two bites into an apple, “we’ll do the modified curse for Angel tonight.”
“Oh, good. Thanks.”
Had that been that a wink ? No… the girl probably had something in her eye…
“I gotta run. I’m meeting Tara before class. See you later !”
With a big grin plastered on her face, the Witch was gone.
“Guys… I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone where I was… They wouldn’t understand.”
Just as she didn’t, she thought bitterly.
“When you say they, you mean Angel, right ?” Dawn teased.
Giles put a hand on the teen’s shoulder, and a brief look passed between them, making Buffy wonder what she had missed.
“We won’t say anything,” Giles promised before leaving the kitchen.
Buffy observed Dawn in silence as she readied her breakfast. Milk and cereals, nothing fancy. The kid was smiling, glancing at her sister every now and then, delight obvious on her face. She had no mixed feelings about Buffy’s return, it seemed.
“It doesn’t bother you ?” she asked, a bit puzzled.
“What ?”
“Me being a vamp.”
The teen’s smile vanished as she looked at Buffy gravely, almost apologetically. “I’d rather have a vampire sister than no sister at all. Everyone is mad at Spike for changing you, but not me. I’m happy he did. I couldn’t have lost you. Not again.”
The words echoed in Buffy’s mind. Spike had said pretty much the same thing when she had awoken.
Her mind formed a conscious thought. He had done it for himself, of course. But not only. He had tried to tell her, and she hadn’t listened. But now she understood.
Too many people need you.
Noticing the tears that shone in her sister’s eyes, Buffy rose and went to her, hugging her gently. “It’s ok, Dawnie. Whether he was right or not, I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”
* * * * *
When Giles returned to the kitchen after his morning ablutions, Buffy was still in the same spot he had left her, staring into her empty mug.
“I’ll go buy you some blood later,” he proposed.
“What will you pay it with ?”
He frowned at the unexpected and blunt question. “Buffy ?”
“What am I going to do, Giles ? I can’t have a normal job any more. But I still have bills to pay. It’s like when I was brought back before, except I have even less choices now.”
He had thought of this himself, to tell the truth, and had come up with an idea. He hadn’t planed to tell her so soon, though. He sat next to her and rested one hand on top of hers. So cold. He didn’t think he would ever get used to it.
“I know this is a bad time for me o announce it, but I need to go back to England. I will leave next week, after the wedding. But before that, you and I are going to sign papers to make you the co-owner of the Magic Shop. I don’t need the money, and you do.”
She shook her head, her eyes filled with surprise.
“I can’t accept that. It’s your shop. And you know my experience in retail is less than glorious anyway.”
“You won’t need to do anything,” he replied gently. “Actually, Anya will certainly be happier if you don’t even try to do anything. You’ll just get a part of the profits. It will pay the bills, and even a little more.”
Again, she shook her head. “I can’t.”
“You will. I bought that shop with the money the Council paid me. It’s time you got something out of them too.”
After much discussions, she finally accepted.
To Giles surprise, there was one point she never contested. She didn’t ask him not to leave. He wasn’t sure whether to be happy that at last she was ready to stand on her own, or sad that she didn’t need him any longer.
* * * * *
Buffy spent a large part of her day in bed, crying. She was a vampire. Her best friend acted like there was nothing out of the ordinary. Her sister was actually happy about it. Giles was so disappointed that he was leaving the country yet again. And she didn’t dare ask him not to.
She felt lonely, lonelier than she had ever been. She couldn’t wait for evening to come, bringing Angel along. She couldn’t wait for him to get a foolproof soul. Then, she thought, everything would start being better. She would have someone by her side to take care of her, to help her through hard times, to held her and make her feel loved.
Finally comforted by the promise of better times to come, she managed to stop her tears. She had been through rougher things, after all. The time for mourning her old self had passed. It was now time to live again.
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