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Cicirossi
Joss Whedon is God and owns all. It's still his world, although we like to sneak in the side door and cover Xander with chocolate sauce and whipped cream when no one's looking.
It came out of four mouths simultaneously, like a chorus. Xander had a feeling the only reason Spike didn't join was that his back was still turned. Clem gifted them with a nervous smile and shuffled over to the table to set his burden down. "If you don't want some chocolate, can I get you some tea? For some reason there seems to be an awful lot of it here."
Still trying to wrap his mind around Clem, and still smarting from being dropped on his butt after all, Xander stayed silent and let Buffy do the talking. Which she would do any minute. The talking, that was. Sure enough, she was the first one to shake off the stun.
"Clem? What's going on here? Where's Anya?"
"Anya? Oh, um." Clem's face drooped even more than usual, and his shoulders sagged. "I guess this means you're not here on a social call. I got more visitors in Spike's crypt, you know? Is this about the chocolate? Because she told me it was harmless. It is, isn't it? Because it's really good chocolate as taste goes. Well, the caramel ones were a little grainy, but."
"Clem! Anya? Where is she?"
Xander winced, because ouch, Slayer tone, and Clem didn't really deserve it. But they did need to know. Subdued, Clem shook his head. "She's not here. I guess I'd better get the boss, hadn't I?" And with that he turned and shuffled back into the back room, leaving them all staring at after him.
This floor, Xander thought, was even harder than the one at his apartment. Soon he'd be able to tell where he was in Sunndydale just by the feeling of the floor under his ass. When he thought it was Anya they were facing, the floor seemed like a good place to be, for groveling purposes. But if it was someone else he wanted to be standing on his own two feet. Or at least on Spike's own two feet. "Help me up, doofus."
"Shit. Sorry, luv." If his legs got any weaker they'd just have to rent a block and tackle to move him around with. Spike didn't seem to have the same weakness problem, maybe because his chocolate addiction came neatly packaged in what was already his food. More like an energy bar with a chocolate coating. The thought made him laugh aloud, and everyone looked at him curiously, except Spike, who laughed with him as if he knew. And maybe he did, their sense of humor was eerily similar.
Loud throat clearing at the back of the shop made them all swing around and look. This time it was Willow who got her mouth to work first. "Halfrek?"
The vengeance, er, justice demon smiled benevolently. "You might as well call me Hallie. I mean, we're getting to be practically old friends aren't we? So, what can I do for you? That I'm not already doing, that is."
"You could start by telling us what it is you are doing. What's the deal with all of this?" Good old Buffy, always ready with the snark, and always willing to take charge.
"Well. I should think that would be obvious. I'm fullfilling a wish." She studied her nails modestly, then fluffed her hair. "And this wasn't an easy set up, let me tell you. Very complicated. A nice test of my abilities."
Shaking off the Alice in Wonderland feeling, Xander finally strung two words together. "Okay, what the heck? And where's Anya? Does she have anything to do with this?"
"Anyanka is on vacation. In England. She's visiting a Mr. Giles, I believe. I told her I'd watch the store while she was gone. It's been rather amusing, and I needed a place to work."
More gaping, and Spike almost dropped him again. "You'd better put me in a chair, bleachy. I can only take so many more bruises."
Grumbling under his breath, Spike hauled Xander to a chair and plopped him down on it. And stood behind the chair with his hands on Xander's shoulders. Which was a nice show of support, actually. "So Anya doesn't know about this?"
"Oh, goodness no. I can't imagine what she would think if she knew. Why doesn't everyone sit down? And maybe Clem can get us some tea."
"I don't want tea," Buffy shouted. "I want answers. What kind of moron would make a wish that would bring all this on?"
Did all vengeance demons look like social workers? Because that's what Halfrek looked like with that sympathy-smug expression on her face. "You, Buffy. You're the one that made the wish. Don't you remember it?"
"Me? I never made a wish. Did I?" Buffy looked at Willow and Tara for support, and got uncertain shrugs in reply.
"I can't remember, Buffy," Willow said. "Maybe?"
"It could have been an offhand comment," Tara added.
"Okay, me? I'm more concerned with what she actually wished for. Anyone else find that of interest?" Spike's squeezed his shoulders lightly and Xander realized he'd raised his voice more than was strictly necessary. But his head was starting to hurt from trying to keep it all straight and he wanted chocolate. Or sex. Dammit.
"Oh for. Let me see, I think the direct quote was..." Hallie stopped for a moment and closed her eyes, one hand going to her temple. When she spoke again, the voice that came out was perfectly Buffy, frighteningly accurate. "I just want all of my friends to be happy. I wish everyone could get what they really want." Opening her eyes again, Hallie crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot. "It hasn't been easy you know. I had to come up with some plan that would start with your friends and work its way out to everyone. The chocolate scheme was a stroke of genius if I do say so, myself."
"Yeah? How do you figure that one?" Spike asked. That odd look that seemed to pass between Halfrek and Spike happened again, but she seemed content to let it go in favor of explaining.
"Well, let's start at the top, shall we? Buffy wanted to become closer to her sister. The chocolate of the month club gave them a secret to share. Something to draw them together as conspirators. Not long after that, they started sharing other secrets, doing more together. They were both happier."
"And what about me and the boy, here?"
"Oh." She looked momentarily nonplussed. "Well, I have to admit I didn't see that coming, William. But, you know what they say about fine lines. And really, Xander needed someone who could be devoted to him, and well, you devote very well. He needs to feel useful and manly, and having sex with you does more for him in that arena than Anya did. As for you, you wanted your bite back, didn't you? And you need someone to care for. Someone who needs your devotion, as it were. All in all, I'd say it's a good match."
"Willow? Tara? What do they get out of it?"
Back to Buffy now, and that superior look was on Hallie's face. "Each other, of course. Just what they needed to get over their awkwardness with one another. Researching a friend's problems. And of course, poor Anyanka. I did it as much for her as for anyone, you know. Thanks to your wish I was able to get her out of town to see that nice man she likes so much, and she's making money. Every bit of cash that comes in from the chocolate, after expenses of course, goes to her. Your Mr. Giles will be happy with Anya, once he gets used to the idea. I gave Clem a job, which makes him content, simple soul that he is, and that accounted for most of your friends and family. So then I started on the 'everyone' part."
"You mean all of the other chocolate addicts? But some of them have died!" Go Will, Xander thought, get all defend the innocent. It was good to see.
"Well. Sometimes what people really want isn't actually good for them, now is it?"
Struggling to his feet, Xander pulled himself to as much of his full height as he could while listing the way he was. "Yeah, well that's all great, but the chocolate has this nasty side effect of making us really tired and weak. What do we have to do to lift the curse?"
Halfrek gave him a look. "Not all wishes are answered with curses, you know. I could have taken the easy way out, and not even answered at all. But you were all so desperately unhappy. It hurt. As for how to stop the effects of the chocolate, physically, you simply have to admit that you're happy. That you now have what you really want."
Stunned silence greeted that absurd pronouncement. Wavering, Xander tried to stay standing, but lost the battle and tipped ass over teakettle. Spike came to the rescue one more time, catching him as he fell. They ended up with Spike sitting on the floor with Xander mostly in his lap. Looking up into Spike's concerned face, Xander said, "Oh, you've got to be kidding."
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