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Cicirossi
Joss Whedon is God and owns all. It's still his world, although we like to sneak in the side door and cover Xander with chocolate sauce and whipped cream when no one's looking.
"Oh! Yes. I mean according to Buffy the customer satisfaction telemarketer. Right?"
"Uh huh. Everyone I called on said that a family member was subscribed to the chocolate of the month club, but they weren't in the mood to talk about it, if you know what I mean. Didn't seem to make the connection though, so I told them they could return the unused portion for a refund."
Nodding, Xander turned to Willow. "So what did you find out? Anything on the PO Box?"
"Not yet. But I did search the hospital records. They've admitted six people in the last two days for withdrawal symptoms. They think there's a crystal meth dealer in town or something. Because no one seems to equate a reaction like this with chocolate, you know?"
"Oh yeah. I know. So what you're saying is that we're no closer to finding out who did this?"
Looking a bit crestfallen, Willow shook her head. "Nope. Sorry Xand."
"You lot slay me. So to speak."
All of them, including Tara, looked at Spike irritably. "Oh yeah," Xander said with a snort. "You've been so helpful."
"Well, I'm about to be real helpful, luv, so listen up. You people make everything so difficult. Personally, I blame it on the watcher and all of his esoteric bullshit."
"Helpful means getting to the point."
Flipping a two fingered salute at Xander, Spike continued. "So you have a PO Box, yeah? And you say this is still an ongoing scam. People are still ordering, and now thanks to the Slayer, returning the stuff, right?" They all looked like those little nodding toys. "So why don't you just stake out the post office and watch the box? Then you can follow whoever empties it home and have a nice chat with them about poisoning the townspeople."
Dead silence. And Xander had to bite his lip to stop grinning about all the bad puns flying around the room. He counted three in the last five minutes. At least. And didn't everyone look stunned at Spike's idea? No doubt he did too, but it was so simple it was genius. Buffy spoke up first.
"I hate to admit it, but I think Spike has a plan."
"I'm good at plans. Just don't have the patience to carry them out, most of the time."
"That's really a good idea, Spike." This from Tara, accompanied by a small smile. "I think that would be a good job for me. And Willow. Together."
That got her a fuzzy, affectionate look from Willow, and Spike smirked impartially at both of them. "Only if you stay on opposite sides of the room. Then you won't be so distracted that you miss something important."
"Says the vamp who forgot we were all here and tried to do the nasty right in front of us," Buffy said.
"I'd do that even without the chocolate, given the right inducement. And he is." With a pat to Xander's knee Spike sat back and looked smug. Xander blushed and Buffy frowned. And Willow and Tara planned their stakeout. They decided to leave right away, as they weren't sure how long Spike and Xander would have before it got to be too much. Too much being said with a stammer and a sideways look. When they left, Buffy went with them, saying she would wait outside the post office and then help them tail the suspect home. With a pointed glance at Spike, she said she was sure she could leave them alone, because Spike seemed concerned with Xander's welfare, and surely he wouldn't want to dangerously weaken their friend by draining him any more, now would he?
The only reply she got was a deep-chested growl and a show of fang. Smacking Spike lightly on the arm, Xander shooed the girls off. "Go. Find antidote to chocolate. We'll be as close to fine as we can get under the circumstances."
The girls left, full of purpose and ready to stomp the magical candy maker. And Spike, well he just sat there next to Xander, staring at him in a way that reminded him of large, carnivorous animals.
"So. Wanna play Scrabble?"
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