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Cicirossi
Joss Whedon is God and owns all. It's still his world, although we like to sneak in the side door and cover Xander with chocolate sauce and whipped cream when no one's looking.
When Xander came back to his senses he was relieved that there was no shaking and puking. The horrible weakness that had assailed him last time was there, though, and someone had set an anvil on his back. Well, maybe not an anvil, but there was a heavy, dead weight there. Lungs and kidneys compressed, and it pushed him into the bed in a way that made him very conscious of his full bladder. Too bad he was too weak to move. Eventually, Xander became aware of voices.
"Does that look like keeping hands off to you?" voice number one asked. "I think I should just stake him."
"No! That might get dust in some really hard to remove places," said voice number two. "Besides, that's Spike. He's all defenseless-y. And naked. That would be bad to stake him when he's asleep. And naked."
Oh. So Spike was the weight on his back. Literally dead weight. And it made sense in a twisted, ever since the chocolate came in the mail kind of way. Also explained why even though he hurt all over, his ass and shoulder throbbed agonizingly. His shoulder. Where Spike bit him. Wiggins.
"Maybe we should at least cover them?"
Oh look, there was a voice number three. Not Buffy, or Willow. Tara. Like everyone had to witness his humiliation. He could only hope they didn't bring Dawn.
"Good idea." And the bedspread drifted down gently to cover the fact that Spike was not just on him, but... well. Anyway, Xander thought really hard about just trying to go back to sleep. But despite the lack of tremors and nausea, he still had the craving for his chocolate. It burned in his belly, cramping it up like he was a starving man. Could be, come to think of it. Man could not live by chocolate alone, and hey he'd needed to lose ten or fifteen pounds anyway, right?
"Unnh."
"Xander? I think he's awake. We need to move Spike."
"I'm not touching Spike. He's naked under there."
"Willow! Get a grip." Buffy sounded so harried that Xander wanted to laugh. "I'll move Spike. It's nothing I, well, I can do it. You be ready to cover Xander up with the other blanket. Tara? Could you go to the kitchen and get the chocolate? It should be in the fridge."
The sound of much shuffling and rearranging came to him, and then the weight was gone, and a light blanket settled where the much heavier Spike had been. "Uhn," Xander said by way of thanks. Bathroom, he thought. Now. Then chocolate. Right. Making feeble swimming motions toward the side of the bed was the best he could do, though, and he cursed the chocolate, cursed Buffy for sending it, himself for eating it, and Spike for sucking his blood.
"Buffy! He's hurt."
"What? Where?"
And ow! Suddenly Xander could say more than unhh. "Quit it! That hurts. Bathroom. Chocolate. Now."
Whoever it was prodding at the puncture wounds on his shoulder stopped, and Buffy manhandled him out of the bed and off he went. He came back at least five pounds lighter, and Tara almost drew back a bloody nub where her hand was when she offered him a Caramel Tornado. After two chocolate bars (which only leaves you two, the little voice in his head said) he felt almost human, and was able to take in his surroundings.
Buffy stared at him. Willow stared fixedly at a still naked but fully covered Spike. Who was still asleep. And poor Tara stared anywhere but at any of them. Making sure all of his private parts were private once more thanks to his handy dandy blanket, Xander cleared his throat.
"So. The us keeping hands off each other thing? Didn't work so well."
"I'm thinking it's not the hands we're worried about here." Serious Buffy kick-butt tone, and Xander laughed a little. Nervously.
"He bit you." That came from Willow, who still stared at Spike with an expression Xander couldn't quite read.
"Yeah? I mean, yeah."
"Yeah," Buffy mimicked. "Hey, maybe the chip fried his brain and that's why he's not waking up."
Panic. Why did that make him panic? But it did, and Xander threw himself at Spike, shaking him hard. "Wake up, Spike. Come on, you jerk. Don't do this to me. Wake up." None of it woke Spike up, although he did smile in his sleep. Weirdo. Xander wasn't going to be satisfied until Spike spoke to him, though, so he kept shaking. Until Buffy put a hand on his shoulder to pull him away. Right over his shiny new bite marks.
"OW!"
At Xander's pained yelp, Spike's eyes flew open and he snarled, lunging up off the bed and taking Buffy down in a flying tackle. They hit the floor in a flailing tangle of arms, legs and blond hair. Xander goggled at them. So did Willow. And Tara too. There was much pounding and kicking and yelling. Only when blood actually started flowing did the frozen spectators move to do something about it.
"Willow! You and Tara get Buffy. I'll handle Spike." Not so bright to get between Slayer and slayee, especially when the slayee was Spike, but Xander couldn't let this go on anymore. Somehow he got the feeling Willow and Tara felt the same, because they sprang into the fray as well, and after a lot of oofs and grunts and unintentional bruising, they pried Buffy and Spike apart. Grabbing Spike around the middle, Xander hauled him around to the opposite side of the bed from Buffy, babbling all the while. "Okay, that's enough of the fighting okay? Stop struggling, will you? You're going to do some damage. I mean we're both still unclothed, and I happen to be feeling a draft. Spike? C'mon Spike, calm down."
Finally, Spike seemed to realize who was holding him, because he just sort of went limp. Growly noises came from deep in his chest, and Xander figured his face was probably bumpy, but he relaxed. No way was Xander going to let go until he heard something more human come out of Spike's mouth, though.
"You in there now? 'Cause I gotta tell you, you're scaring me."
"She hurt you."
"Um, she hurt you worse. You all done playing manly vamp?"
Spike seemed to sag a bit more in his arms. "Yeah. Don't feel so good."
"Me neither. Must be because, oh, I don't know, someone sucked my blood?"
"Oh!" They turned to look at Willow. "You drank Xander's blood. I wonder if you're infected by the chocolate now too."
Rubbing her scraped knuckles, Buffy glared at Spike, who glared back. "If he is, can I stake him so he won't be any more of a danger?"
"Buff. Quit." Not that he could blame Buffy really, but Spike was all stiff and grr again. "Spike? Feel like you've been run over by a truck? Like you're really hungry but if you eat you'll ralph?"
"Yeah."
Xander sighed. "Tara, would you go get the rest of the chocolate? Willow, you and the Buffster go wait in the living room while the mosquito and I get dressed, okay? We'll be out in a few."
All three girls looked like they wanted to protest, but Xander just stared at them with his no more butt monkey look until they grudgingly filed out of the bedroom. Only when the door shut behind them did Xander let Spike go, and then only to turn him around so they were face to face. "Okay, Spike. You have about five minutes while we get dressed to explain why you bit me, why it didn't make the chip go off, and why the wrath of God wouldn't wake you up but Buffy giving me what amounted to a love tap sent you off the deep end."
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