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Shanna
shannalynn9064@yahoo.com
"Spike," Willow called softly after the departing vampire. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Angel watching the door swing closed behind the blond as well.
"Give him time. The best thing to do when he's in one of these moods is just leave him alone to work it out for himself."
"But Angel, I can't. . .I don't want him thinking that I don't. . .that you and I. . ." Tears trickled down her cheeks, remembering the pain she saw in his eyes when he stood her on the floor, unable to meet her gaze. She felt guilt, her subconscious whispering that maybe Cordelia's words hit a little too close to home for her own comfort.
Angel reached over and brushed the wet tracks on her cheeks gently, then reached for her hand. "Maybe we should have another talk." Willow allowed her friend to lead her upstairs to his suite, closing the door behind him and indicating she have a seat on the couch.
They both sat in silence for several minutes, neither looking at one another.
"She's right, you know," the young woman finally whispered. "I wouldn't make love to someone unless I did love them."
A wry smile twisted the vampire's lips. "So you admit you love Spike?"
"Yeah, I guess I do." Willow tossed Angel a guilty grin. "Buffy's gonna have a cow and threaten to staked him. Oh, and Xander's going to go into epileptic shock. Giles will polish his glasses, pinch his nose a lot and say 'Oh dear!'. Anya will just ask me if he gives good orgasms."
Angel raised his eyebrow. "Anya sounds like an interesting young woman."
"In her defense, she *was* a demon for over a thousand years. She's still learning the art of subtlety and the differences between public and private conversations and appropriate subject matter. Some days. . .well, most days she doesn't distinguish between them very well."
"She was right about something else, too, Willow." The redhead felt pinned in place by the intensity of his gaze. "I do love you. Of course I value our friendship more than anything. You gave me my soul back. I could never repay you enough for that. And you were the first one to truly accept me back into the fold when I returned from hell. You don't know how much that meant to me. I felt like such an outcast after everything I did, and then you're showing up on my doorstep just to talk and make me feel more comfortable. Those talks were everything back then. I was so close to leaving town, maybe even walking out into the sun some days, especially after what I'd done to Giles with Jenny, all the hurtful things I'd done and said to Buffy and I could have killed you that night in the school hallway."
"Don't forget my fish," she laughed, trying to break the mounting tension in the room.
"What?" Angel stopped in his self-flagellation, edging on pre-brooding.
"My fish. Scooby Doo, Shaggy, Fred, Velma, Daphne, Scrappy Doo and Scooby Dum, you know, the ones you left in an envelope for me?"
The vampire's mouth twitched. "Your fish were named after the characters from the Scooby Doo cartoon?"
"Well, originally, they were Aristotle, Plato, Einstein, Madam Curie, Susan B, Beethoven and Mozart, but after I met Buffy and we all became the Scoobies, I just thought maybe those were a little to pretentious and changed them."
"Just like you're trying to change the subject now," Angel asked quietly.
"Um, well, things were getting a little too intense."
"Willow, do you remember the night before graduation, when you and Oz were watching me while I was sick?"
"Sure, how could I forget. I was never so scared for you. You looked so horrible laying there, in so much pain and shaking with fever. . ."
"Do you remember what I said to you?"
"You mean when you thought I was Buffy?"
"Willow, I never thought you were Buffy. I knew it was you."
"But you said, . . .oh!" She replayed their conversation in her mind.
"You're awake."
Angel had taken her hand. "You've been watching over me?" She had nodded in response. Then it got freaky when he had started kissing her hand.
"Well, we've been taking turns."
"I thought. . .I thought I'd never see you again. I can't leave you. I was wrong. I need you."
Shocked green eyes flew to his face. Angel knew she was finally grasping what he was trying to make her understand.
"But you were leaving because of Buffy."
"Willow, a part of me will always love Buffy. She's beautiful, brave and strong, but it was never the same between us after I came back from hell. No matter how hard we both tried, that always hung between us. I was falling in love with you, but you had Oz. I knew I couldn't stay, couldn't be around you and not want you. And with the curse. . .," he trailed off.
"You left Buffy because of me?" Tears started to form as guilt slammed her. She had been the cause of her best friend's pain.
"Willow, I didn't leave Buffy because of you. I left Sunnydale because I couldn't trust myself to be around you. Buffy doesn't even factor into the equation."
"But, but she loved you so much," the redhead whispered.
"Is she still unhappy, because the last time I was in town, she seemed pretty happy with that Riley guy."
"He does make her happy, but he's not you Angel."
"Of course he's not me. I realize now, since we've put some distance between ourselves, that it would never have worked out. The Slayer and a vampire? I told you, I'll always have a place in my heart for her, but I'm not in love with her any more. I love. . ."
"Don't! Please don't say it."
"Fine, then can you tell me at least how you feel about me? Is it really just friendship? Is that all you feel between us? Is that all you've ever felt for me?"
"You were always Buffy's cryptic guy. The tall dark mysterious one that disappeared into the shadows. The first time I saw you, I remember thinking how lucky she was. You may not have been able to look in a mirror for the last two hundred some years, but you're not an unattractive man, Angel. Cordy once called you a hunk of salty goodness," she smiled slightly at the memory.
"I had a little bit of a schoolgirl crush on you, but that's all I would ever let it be because you were Buffy's. Then we became better friends and in case you haven't noticed, not an abundance of those hanging around. It can be a little on the dangerous side to be friends with the Slayer and her band of merry men, er people."
Angel moved closer to her on the couch, taking her hands in his. "I'm not Buffy's now."
"No," she sighed, "but I'm Spike's now."
"I've already claimed Right of the Sire to him. You're both mine, but only if you want to be."
His words were hypnotic, tempting. A shiver ran through her body at the naughty mental images racing through her head. She and Spike. . .and Angel, together.
"How can I love you both? Isn't that just. . .wrong?" She watched their locked hands, felt the tingles where he was rubbing circles on her warm flesh with his thumbs.
One of those hands slipped under her chin to raise her face to his gaze. "Willow, loving someone as much as you do can never be wrong."
"But two someones? That's not exactly normal, Angel."
"You've lived on the Hellmouth your whole life, dated a werewolf, your best friend's a slayer and your normal Friday night activities probably involve patrolling for fledglings in the cemeteries. What's normal, Willow?"
"I. . .this is something I need to think about."
"Fine, but can you do me just one favor?"
"Of course. What did you need?"
"This." Angel moved closer, his hand caressing hers slid up her arm, grasping Willow's shoulder to pull her closer. He lowered parted lips to her warm mouth, placing a slow sweet kiss there, a promise of things to come if she would allow it.
The redhead in his arms moaned softly against his lips, feeling her body betray her mind, which was yelling at her to stop, back up a few paces and just *think*. Instead Willow wrapped her arms around the vampire teasing her tongue with his and allowed him to deepen the kiss.
His fingers slid through her silken hair, feeling it tickle over his palm as it fell back to the nape of her neck. He pulled back reluctantly, looking down into heated green eyes. Angel brushed his lips across her again softly, then leaned closer to her ear, his unneeded breath tickling it as the vampire whispered, "Just a little something to think about if you'll let me love you."
"You are a very, very bad vampire," she whispered. "Tempting me like that is just so not right."
"All's fair in love and war," he murmured, pressing another kiss to her cheek before pulling her to her feet with him. "Come on, we've still got a demon to find."
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