1 | 2 | 3 |4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
Xanpet
DEDICATION: To Wyrd with love and thanks for all her help.
“Could this night get any worse?” Spike wondered to himself. It had started off so well. Simply, entwined in the arms of his lover. Where he belonged, where he wanted, no needed to be. Right now. Not trying to convince said lover, that murder was not on his mind, and certainly not debating human dregs like the Viscotti brothers.
“Yeah, you got me Viscotti. So now just fuck off.”
“You have a bad mouth and a bad attitude.”
“I'm a VAMPIRE! Has no one remembered that? Let me remind you.” He put his game face on.
“We are aware of that Mr. Spike. We did not come unprepared, but it would be impolite to simply stake a defenceless man.”
“‘Sides which, you’d ‘ave to catch me first.”
“Oh yes, how foolish of me, let me take a little security. Something to keep you around.” Suddenly, Dawn and Tara were caught in the arms of the hoods, with guns at their temples. Willow began an incantation but was shot in the leg before she finished. “Just a warning, Ms. Rosenberg. See we know who you are also.”
Xander was horrified. He whispered in Spike’s ear, “You played ‘make a deal’ with these assholes?!”
Spike knew he'd mess up. This was going to cost him. Maybe everything. He looked from man to man. Of the five, two were tied up with the girls, Tony Viscotti was furthest from him, with the large frame of Lincoln to his right and Martin to his left. A plan formed itself in the vampire’s mind. The Viscotti’s were classicists and no one was packing anything greater than a single-shot handgun. He was a vampire, but was he Superman? There was only one way to find out.
He launched himself at Danny, who was holding Dawn and, with vampire speed and agility, he turned the gun hand so that, as the trigger fired, the bullet hit Ray, who was holding Tara. She screamed and ducked as the contents of the gangster’s head erupted onto her shoulder. “That was good,” thought Spike, no time to worry about niceties, “No pain, keep the geezer spinning.”
Spike next directed him at Martin Viscotti. This time he had to pull the trigger himself, which hurt like hell. He tumbled back, clutching his skull, and did a complete backward roll, to end up slamming into Lincoln. Lincoln Viscotti couldn't stop himself as the momentum kept him turning. He went reeling into Tony just as his finger pulled the trigger. Both guns went off at once and there was a pained, surprised look on each man’s face as they sunk together, dead to the ground. Only Danny Viscotti remained alive. He looked at Spike, still in full vamp mode, threw Dawn aside and ran.
Spike didn't turn round. He walked along the dockside and back to the car. Reversing it up the quay, he said to Giles, “Put Willow in the back and I’ll take her to the ER.”
“What will you do after that?”
“Don’t question me, Watcher. Not right now.” He knew in his heart of hearts that he wasn’t going to fix this. As he started the engine he said, “I wouldn't have seen any of you harmed you know? I just wanted this bloody thing gone.”
Giles sighed, “You'd better get going.” He said simply.
It was the early hours of the morning when Xander opened the door and stepped into the basement. He could hear the shower running and see Spike’s discarded clothing. He was cold, tired and ached in places he didn’t know he had. But the feeling of weariness transcended any of these and it wasn’t just physical. The emotional roller coaster, he’d been riding since Glory’s defeat, had cork screwed tonight. “You had to wake up sometime, Harris.” He thought, “For God’s sake he’s a he, he’s an undead he and he’s a Spike shaped he. But he’s a he that loves me, that saved my life. Can you say messed in the head?”
Spike emerged from the shower and began to towel his water-darkened hair. Xander passed him without making eye contact and went in. They didn’t speak.
The vampire sat on the edge of the bed and stared, unseeing, at the rumpled covers. The smell of their lovemaking was enough to make him want to weep, “If he can say he loves you after this then stay.” He thought. “But if not…” He knew he’d screwed up. It didn’t seem to matter what motivated him, the demon twisted and warped everything.
Xander came out of the shower and they both dressed in silence. It was as if both knew that they weren’t going to bed. Spike was the first to break the hush. “Well thanks for the vote of confidence back there, China.”
“I tried!” Spike’s apparent hostile attitude, after everything that had happened, made Xander’s temper flare. “You made a deal with the mob! We could all have been killed, and okay, so that’s a daily occurrence, but I really did think you had more sense than to add to the mind numbing danger. Is anything you say true? You said you’d protect Dawn. She had a gun to her head tonight and, guess what? Your fault. What were you thinking trying to have the chip removed anyway? Isn’t that the little piece of technology that keeps you, and ergo us, safe?”
Spike was hurt and that made him angry, he spat back, “I can’t protect you with this in here. Any human filth could top me off. We were set on not four nights ago. The Viscotti’s could have done it. Not every evil out there is demonic. This fucking piece of Army shit’s not saving your life, it could get both you and me brown bloody bread!”
“Oh, like you’d care. Don’t I have enough grief in my life without vampire mind games.”
“Mind games? You think you’re the victim of mind games? I am impotent. Do you know that, do you know how that feels? Vampires hunt, that’s what we do. I’m chipped, broken, spoilt, adulterated. Shitting fuck Xander, I was medically raped!!!”
Xander watched Spike for a while, as he moved about the room. He tried a more conciliatory tone, “It’s not easy for me either you know. Those are my friends back there. We’ve been through a lot of pain together and, might I remind you, some of which was at your hands. I have to adjust to the biggest lifestyle choice of my existence here but I am trying. And, you know, undead guy, I made a great deal of fuss about vamps and how much I don’t like them. I’m going through a lot here, so credits please.”
“Credits! You’ll be wanting gold stars for effort next! Not playing Xander. Now you listen to me and listen good,” He stopped his methodical actions and walked right up to his lover. Close enough to feel hot breath on his cool face. “I asked you once and I will ask you once more with feeling. There is a thing here, it’s large and it’s ugly and it’s right here.” He held up his hands to embrace an invisible shape. “Is this a gay thing, a vampire thing or a Spike thing?”
Xander gulped and looked away. “Christ, I can’t even look Wil’ in the eye. Time to be honest,” He thought. There was no invisible barrier, nothing in the way of them. “There’s no thing here!” He answered.
Spike turned away with his trademark shrug and continued with what he was doing.
“What was he doing?” Xander asked himself. Oh yeah, packing. Packing? Packing! PACKING!! “Spike stop. I mean, why? OK, I know why but I mean you don’t have to…. You’ve never…why…?”
The last was so pathetic, so utterly lame.
“You’ve already answered that, Sunshine. You still have trouble with the gay label. Forget that we make each other feel so good it aches, that we enjoy each other’s company, that we, dare I say it, love each other. That don’t matter one iota cos, hey, Xander’s friends might think he’s gay. Well, shock, horror, probe, Sun headline - tit for brains - you are gay and if your friends condemn you for it, which until now I thought highly unlikely, then guess what, they’re not your friends. You have a problem with my race. It’s understandable we’re the enemy but I thought I’d proved, beyond all reasonable doubt, that I was your friend. Shit on a stick, it didn’t take Buffy this long to understand that, and I wasn’t letting her arse fuck me every night, and finally you can’t stand to think that the creature you love is Spike. That’s who I am Xander. William is dead. Only Spike here now.” The time had come time to ask the question, “Do you love me?”
Xander didn’t answer. He couldn’t. How had it come to this? This was not how it should end. “Rewind, be kind.” He thought, “Could we start again please?”
Spike picked up his bags and started up the stairs. Without looking back, he opened the door, and set off into the night. “He’s leaving. Xander, you prick, he’s leaving!” Xander raced up the stairs and out into the street. He heard the DeSoto’s engine and the crunch of gears as Spike headed for the intersection and the freeway. “Spike!” Xander screamed, the yell grazing his throat. “Spike, I love you. There, see, I said it, in front of the house and in full view of the neighbors. I love you. I love you, Wil’. I love you. I love you.” He collapsed to his knees, tears dropping like large heat spots, in the dirt.
Spike swung the DeSoto out towards route 17 and south. He didn’t look back until he was on the freeway, the Clash hammering out of the stereo. Mick Jones asking the question he’d already answered. He put his foot down on the gas and thrashed the engine faster. He couldn’t get away rapidly enough. Sunnydale receded into the distance. The lights of the other cars tinted his view with a rosy hue. He wiped his face with the back of his hand. He had never felt this bad. All hope gone now. He blinked, being dazzled by rear lights, but maybe just maybe, the colour in his vision was the hint of blood stained tears.
THE END